Finding Balance: Trials of the Republic
by KSchweitz
Summary: She slept in carbonite for thousands of years. When she was released, the galaxy had changed. The force was at work to protect her, and Medria Nathem found herself a child again in Jidai custody. She wasn't a fool though, she knew what she had to do to survive. Stay unnoticed, build her powerbase, search for her people. All she had to do was keep playing the part of Obi-Wan Kenobi
1. Phantom

**Summary:** Obi-Wan Kenobi, the name fit her for the moment, it fit the jedi persona she worked hard to maintain. However, it was all just a persona.

She slept in carbonite for thousands of years and when she was releassed, the galaxy had changed. The Force was at work to protect her, and Medria Nathem found herself in Jidai custody. She wasn't a fool though, she knew what she had to do to survive. Stay unnoticed, build her powerbase, search for her people, and keep an eye on the galaxy. All she had to do was keep playing the part of Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Jedi.

* * *

**Author's note:** Time will first show BBY, which is Before Battle of Yavin. As at the time they did not know that the Battle of Yavin would be a thing. The time given after in quotations will by either BTC or ATC, standing for Before Treaty of Coruscant, or After Treaty of Coruscant, respectively.

* * *

Chapter 1: Phantom

* * *

"But as long as you remember what you have seen, then nothing is gone. As long as you remember, it is part of this story we have together."

\- Leslie Marmon Silko, Ceremony

* * *

**Mos Espa, Tatooine: 32 BBY (3621 ATC)**

The door to the mechanical room opened with a soft hiss as Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn peeked his head in.

"Obi-Wan?" He called into the room as he searched for his wayward apprentice after noticing when they landed she had disappeared. He felt her warm presence echo through their bond in response just as her muffled voice called out over the humming of the generators and engines. A shot of annoyance and pain shot through their bond followed immediately by a clanging sound, curious he stepped into the room searching for her.

The first sign of her was the crumpled brown cloak she left on the floor, followed shortly by the sight of her long legs sticking out from under the hyperdrive with tools scattered around the open toolbox next to her. Slowly she pulled herself out and stared up at him with storm-gray eyes peeking out from a face covered in grease and dirt with a visible red mark on her forehead. Qui-Gon bit back a laugh as he gingerly helped her to her feet, taking care to not actually touch her skin as she once more rubbed her grease covered hand across her forehead. Before he could open a mouth to crack a joke, she sent him a warning look as annoyance flooded their bond.

"How long have you been gone? You're an absolute mess," he asked as she unbuckled her belt using her tabard to scrub at her face and hands. "I can't leave you alone for a minute." It was said softly, kindly, but Obi-Wan stiffened, even as her master took her tabard from her hands and started to wipe at her face for her.

"The generator is gone, we'll need a new one," she started "It also wouldn't be a bad idea to get some new wiring for the shields, they won't last otherwise. I can install all of it easily enough." She reported calmly, even though she felt her dignity slowly draining.

"That'll complicate things" he mused, rubbing at a particularly stained part of her cheek, slowly turning it red. She grunted in agreement, casting a reproachful look to the hyperdrive.

"Naturally, when have things ever gone as planned."

"Obi-Wan" the hand that held the cloth dropped as he tightened a grip on her shoulder. "Be wary... I sense a disturbance in the Force."

"I felt it also," she had told him numerous times throughout their mission, but he didn't listen then. Qui-Gon twirled Obi-Wan's long braid around his finger, running his thumb over her accomplishment beads before tugging at it softly.

"Don't let them send any transmissions," he ordered softly. She sighed internally; she wasn't a youngling, she knew the basics.

"Yes, master." A smile appeared on her lips as she glanced to the door. "Is the Gungan going with you?" the look on his face was worth the question, especially with the exasperation that was sent through the bond. Since meeting the Gungan, her master was at his wit's end.

"Yes, unfortunately. He's not too pleased with that decision." However, from his face, she could see he was just as displeased as the Gungan.

"In some cultures that's considered an honor, you should count yourself lucky." She teased him lightly, earning a small tug on her braid before looking to the door serious. "In all honesty though, it's Tatooine, I don't think anyone is pleased with having to go outside."

"Just because you don't like the heat-"

"It's the sand, Master. Although the dry heat is not something I am a fan of, I can stand the temperatures. You'd best go before the Gungan tries to run away without you. May the Force be with you."

He smiled and stepping away towards the door. "And with you, Padawan." He pulled on his poncho one last time as he disappeared around the corner, leaving his padawan alone in the room with only the humming of the engines and various motors.

…

The smile that had graced her face dropped instantaneously as she sighed heavily, wiping her hands on her pants as she bent to collect the discarded tabards from the floor. The Force danced around her, picking up the tools cleaning up the oil spills. Frivolous use of it, but it was hers to command, as it had always been, and such a task of cleaning up would have only been an annoyance to add to her long day.

At one point she would have considered the engine room of a ship to be a sanctuary, where secrets were shared and stories were told, it now was only a cold reminder that the past was gone. Now, it was her least favorite place to be, but her years of experience gave her a higher level of knowledge that proved useful. With nothing left for her, she strode towards the exit, scooping her robe up from the floor as she passed.

The crew milled about the crew quarters, all unsure what to do next or how to help. Leadership, she decided, was lacking wholly in the ship, though the captain tried, his hands were tied by the one he served. Obi-Wan moved to the storage room where the boarding ramp remained open. The burning heat wafted into the ship with such relentlessness that the padawan sighed heavily.

Sand, she was used to. Heat, she was used to. It was the cruel combination of the two on the Force-forsaken planet that drove her mad. She leaned against the hull, looking out to the horizon as the heat of the sand created waves in the air. She hummed contemplating, perhaps, just perhaps-

"Jedi Kenobi" the voice of Captain Panaka jolted her from her thoughts. She jumped slightly, surprised to be caught unawares before turning to face the older man.

"Yes, Captain?"

"You appeared lost in thought..." he trailed off glancing out the boarding ramp. The Padawan nodded with a soft smile.

"Yes, my apologies" she paused. "I'm not a fan of Tatooine, I wish we were elsewhere. Perhaps it's the suns. It does something to the people here makes them reckless, dangerous."

"You've been here before?" He looked out to the horizon with her.

"Once, very long ago. I didn't come here though, I was at Mos Ila, a town, quite a ways away from here." They stood silent, watching the sand shift under the breeze.

"I hear you can go blind staring at the sand too long, let's go inside and cool off." The captain turned to her, interrupting the momentary peace. Reluctantly Obi-Wan nodded, following him inside as the ram shut.

* * *

_"Yes, yes, I'm sure"_ the voice of Jedi Kenobi filtered up the ramp to the relief of Captain Panaka. She had been acting strangely since Master Jinn departed and after news of the sandstorm the crew came to him, voicing concerns that the Jedi had ventured outside the ship in a mood, despite their warnings. The last thing he wanted to do was explain to the stoic Jedi master why his apprentice died in a sandstorm because no one stopped her from wondering outside in the middle of it, her voice, however, was a relief. "That's why I'm warning you now and not in a few weeks." her voice continued sounding increasingly annoyed as her accent thickened. At first, he would have said she had a core accent, but after hearing her speak with her master, and for long periods of time, the more he noticed that is was very different, though still refined and cultured.

Panaka moved forward, hoping to see the young woman with another crew member, or even one of the handmaids, but was surprised when she was alone pacing outside the ship with a comlink held tightly between her fingers. She was massaging her scalp through the thick braided crown she had as her face skewed into a look of irritation pausing in her steps.

"Why do you feel the need to question everything I tell you? I am no youngling, Overseer. Naboo is about to face a crisis, their people will need aid, and we will provide it. It is a simple as that." She stopped as the voice over the com responded. Panaka found himself surprised. She was fighting on behalf of Naboo. "Do not lie to me." He voice snapped, turning cold. "You have plenty of able bodies to get the job done... I am not telling you to deploy everyone, don't you dare go putting words in my mouth. I am, however, ordering you to prepare to send at least half." sending aid. Panaka's chest clenched. Without permission from the Jedi council, or the Senate, the young woman was already making plans to help Naboo. From her method of holding the conversation, she wished not only to keep it private but keep her name out of it. Though he was deeply touched, he would respect that wish of hers.

"Go to the others, see if they are willing to help. And while you're at it, see if the others will petition on behalf of Naboo. I fear the young Queen Amidala will need all the help she can get." She sounded tired, but with her back to the captain, he couldn't see the smile on her face. "Thank you" the whisper carried on the wind like an answered prayer. The weight of finding aid seemed to be lifted from her as her pacing slowed.

"I'm fine, you shouldn't worry so much about me. I'm not a youngling...honestly, you weren't this much of a flittering mother while you oversaw my training why now?" her face had softened and she even smiled gently. The tone she had used was teasing, one of fondness which he had yet to hear her use with anyone, even her own master. "Yes, I'm being careful, you know I have to be... It shouldn't be long now, I hope. I believe that Qui-Gon will be petitioning for me to take my trials soon, in the coming year. It would be nice to have a bit more freedom." She paused long listening carefully to the other person. She turned contemplative, hand rubbing her chin.

"I'm not sure yet, I will, of course, keep you updated with my plans... Take care of yourself, old man. _Galez Qyâsik prievole tu_." Her last words emphasized the already noticeable accent as the unknown words rolled off her tongue with ease. She clicked her comlink off and turned as she slipped it into her robes. Crystal blue eyes met deep brown slowly turning gray as her face hardened.

…

Her fists clenched in her robes, as she worked hard to control her anger. Eavesdropping, the captain eavesdropped on her very private conversation. If she were anywhere else, if her master wasn't so close, she would have punished him, but she held herself back.

"This storm will slow them down." She pointed to the nearing storm, a subtle but clear warning, that her conversation was not to be discussed.

"It looks pretty bad. We'd better seal the ship." He carefully said, watching for her reaction. He understood clearly then, Obi-Wan assumed. She grunted disgruntled at the storm, throwing a dirty look. Sandstorms truly were the worst.

The Captain's comlink chimed, and he quickly answered it. "Yes?... We'll be right there," Worry etched in his forehead as he tucked the comlink away, staring at her. "We've received a transmission."

"Lead the way." She followed him inside, allowing herself the leisure of attempting to brush off the sand from her robes as they entered, the ramp securing. The two of them moved quickly to the throne room.

Obi-Wan admired the elegant throne room, it reminded her of the past, the sleek metal and subtle richness in the clean lines engraved into the walls. Everything was designed to make the young queen stand out, along with the brightness of the handmaids' robes. Obi-Wan slipped onto the bench while the transmission played.

"They've cut off all food supplies until your return." The holo of Governor Bibble fizzed momentarily, most likely due to the storm. "The death toll is catastrophic. We must bow to their wishes, your highness, you must contact me."

It all felt wrong, even as the holo flickered out and Obi-Wan found herself staring at the empty transmitter. Her hand found her chin, even as the fear, concern, and worry echoed restlessly through the Force from the occupants in the room. The Governor was not a fool; he would not send a holo unless under duress.

"Play the last part once more," Obi-Wan ordered, standing from her seat.

"Wha- you dare torment-" one of the guards spoke up.

"I'm checking something." she turned to the decoy queen. "Please, your highness, I mean no offense, but I need it played once more."

The queen nodded, and the transmission played once again. Instead of listening, she focused on his face and body language. He moved with each phrase as if to emphasize his statement, but his face showed differently. He was tense, beads of sweat gathered at his hairline. And very subtly, almost unnoticeably, his eyes moved, reading from a script. It all enraged her, such an underhanded technique.

"Send no reply." A dozen eyes landed on her. Cold, she was cold. "It's a trick. Send no transmissions of any kind." She turned sharply and left the throne room in silence. She hated it. Cold, unfeeling, devoid of emotions. So Jedi. No emotion, peace, but peace was not what she felt, only rage and anger burning like a fire in her chest. Helpless, it was all helplessness. She had once sworn she would not be helpless again, but there she was, having to wait for her master's orders.

She stormed into the cockpit, which by grace, was empty. It was dark, the viewport obscured by the sandstorm, with only the red electrical lighting illuminating everything. She pulled out her public use comlink and tapped in her master's code. It was a long silent minute before Qui-Gon answered.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you, Master. I hope you've found shelter from this sandstorm." Obi-Wan greeted, trying her best to sound cheerful as she slipped into one of the chairs.

"What happened Obi-Wan?"

"We received a transmission from the Governor of Naboo," Obi-Wan sighed leaning back into the chair and propping her feet up on one of the controls. "The Queen is upset, but absolutely no reply was sent."

"It sounds like bait to establish a connection trace."

"And what if it's true, the people are dying?" the dragon in her chest roared to life begging for blood _'let them find us, let them fight us, let me win'_ it begged, but she pushed it down stifling its sound.

"Either way, we're running out of time. Meditate Padawan, you'll feel better then."

"Yes, master." Obi-Wan clicked her comlink off and sunk into her chair. Of course they were running out of time, she thought bitterly, she couldn't do what needed to — held back as always. She scowled, fiddling with the comlink before making up her mind.

* * *

She knelt in the middle of the room, facing the beds meditating. She pulled at the light and the dark, trying to give room for both. As always, once her breathing settled and the Force grew heavy in the room, it began to feel like the base, with the Grand-Master and Council Member.

Her mind was open to the movement of the Force, hearing it's call as it pulled her into the web. Red and black, a black hole, the Senate building crumbling. Just flashes, of images, rose with feelings of worry, dread, and resentment. Just as quick as they came, they left.

"Ah, this is indeed an interesting turn of events," a deep, ethereal, and uncomfortably familiar voice spoke through the silence, cutting through the building Force. She refused to open her eyes, pulling more intently at the Force.

"Who would have thought we would end up here on Tatooine, once more. This is where you realized your feelings for him isn't it?" Her eyes snapped open glaring at him as he began to chuckle. Across from her, seated on the sleeping mat, was the Force-ghost of her father, though looking far too pleased with himself. As usual, his hair was combed back, and beard trimmed impeccably. He was dressed more relaxed, forgoing the normal armor he marched around in. "So, you aren't ignoring me. I was beginning to wonder." He stated far too smugly.

"No, of course not." She bit, voice dripping in sarcasm even as she flicked her loose hair over her shoulder. "You make it seemingly impossible to do so."

"Come now, converse with me, child." He leaned forward smiling.

"What do you want me to say? I thought I told you I was finished with you."

"I saved your life, child, I will never leave."

"Saved my life? You turned me into a fucking child, how is that saving my life?" She hissed, pushing her self to her feet.

"What do you think the Jidai would do to you if they found out who you are? I used the last of my abilities to keep you from that fate."

"And instead you handed me to the beast Zildrog himself."

"So dramatic, come now, you've survived this long, it's been what? 20 years since you were handed to them? I am simply an observer now. I hold no judgment towards you."

"Bullshit."

"I know you, child, I know how you think. If you keep everything bottled up who will face your wrath? Unburden yourself to me, and I will advise you the same way I had done all those years ago when you were a youngling." He leaned forward, staring intently at her. Finally, she huffed a sigh and dropped to the ground in front of him, legs crossed like a pretzel. She was tense for a while before crumpling forward, shoulders slouching.

"Qui-Gon has entered into a foolhardy bet on a nine-year-old Force-sensitive." She began.

"Odd. Though, I suppose of the two of you he's always had the luxury of being more reckless."

"A nine-year-old human slave boy, in a pod race." She continued, causing his eyebrows to jump to his hairline. "This ship is the compensation if the child loses the race, not taking into the fact that the boy could die. I had offered to cover the costs on my own, with my sources, I could get the payment in spice for a whole new ship as well as purchase the child and his mother in a day's time. He called my methods shady at best and my contacts disreputable and a stain on my honor as a Jedi." she spat it out like a curse her knuckles turning white as she gripped the fabric of her pants.

"He doesn't trust you." He ventured, but she tightened as the void in her heart grew.

"No, he doesn't. I'm beginning to doubt he ever has."

"You're concerned about this?"

"Naturally, he's accepting the risk of the gamble but not trusting my own skills. When I'm mission head, he takes charge quickly or undermines me. I'm close to the time of my knighting and yet he still has not put any trust in my skills, in me. Krif it, this had been my mission at the beginning." And it had. It had been her job to lead the negotiations with the trade federation, but as soon as she felt the shifting of the Force, the forewarning, he took charge. The only time she got a word in was when she pointed out Tatooine as a place to land, and that was because she knew the planet. She shook her head. "He has an obsession for a prophecy..."

"Oh, now that's interesting, which prophecy?" Her father leaned forward looking very interested.

"The prophecy of the Jedi Chosen One. The one who will destroy the sith and bring balance to the Force."

"Wishful thinking. Everyone has hopes of a savior, the Jedi are no different." He barked a laugh cutting her off.

"The boy's midichlorian count was off the charts," She tried to argue.

"And whos blood did you test it against?"

There was a beat of silence between the two as she stared up at him wide-eyed. " Gah, you're infuriating," she shouted dropping to her back, long hair fanning around her head.

"Naturally, it's a father's job. And yet, I am still right. You're growing powerful, it's natural. Now, tell me, what is your plan?"

She blinked and sat up, a smile playing on her lips. Since she was a child, she always had back up plans, so that she would never be caught unawares. It was a nature of her that while it had lead to his own death, was quite useful, even admirable.

"I arranged for a plan B. One of my people will be here the day of the race and will watch it unfold. Should things go awry, he will approach the host of the race, offer just compensation to cover the ship. Then ask for a middleman to purchase the needed hyperdrive parts. Expensive, granted, but it will be required to keep the blue-winged menace blind to our actions. After acquiring the parts, while I work on installation, he will purchase the freedom of the child and his mother and take them safely away from this dustbowl."

"Sounds simplistic for you."

"Not quite." she rubbed her forehead and sighed. "It'll be quite dangerous because my contact is someone known to Qui-Gon."

"And you're willing to keep him in the dark?"

"He's made it clear he doesn't trust my judgment. However, this is my mission; therefore, I must act on my own discretion. One of us needs to ensure that this mission is a success. Besides, I would prefer not to be stuck on this hellhole of a planet." She grunted, pulling a disgusted face as she looked to the ceiling.

"Don't you hold some fondness for the place, after all, you fell in love with him here."

She slumped forward and refused to look at him. He was right of course. It was here in the sands of Tatooine she found herself flustered beyond belief, and trying desperately to tempt _him_ as well. The freezing nights caused them to have to curl together at night, legs tangling, searching for warmth and comfort. He never knew she had woken up first, letting him just hold her, and the pain it brought when he jumped away as soon as he woke up, scrambling to put distance between the two of them. It was also where he cared for her when she got heatstroke, and he had to deal with her rudeness and uncooperativeness to nurse her back to health. After it all he'd always beath out a sigh of relief 'didn't lose you.'

"It's where I first realized, but this planet is little more than a place." She paused, eyes closed. She could see it all again, _him_ on the Holo, head bowed in resignation, fear echoing through their bond, the lightsaber slashing through, _his_ eyes meeting hers as life left them. "My family is dead, Father, I will drown myself if I keep lingering. My strength must come from my will to keep moving." She tried acting strong, even as her voice wavered and a tear spilled from her eye. It was hardly a surprise when her father's hand ran through her hair. He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He wasn't there for her as she grew up, but her father had always had a way of soothing her soul, even when she didn't trust him.

* * *

Obi-Wan was fiddling with the hyperdrive controls, pushing at the growing feeling tingling up her spine. It felt wonderful, intoxicating, but she knew if she touched it, while her master was so close, it would be finished. She turned her focus instead on plotting the route to the Courascant. The door to the cockpit hissed open as Captain Panaka rushed in.

"Qui-Gon is in trouble, he says to take off!" The captain rushed to one of the seats as Ric rushed to the pilot's chair.

"I don't see anything" he searched for a sign of Obi-Wan's master. Obi-Wan followed the feeling, letting it guide her finger, to a small cloud of dust.

"Over there, fly low," she ordered the pilot. He hesitated, looking at her with confusion as she felt his rebellion rising in the Force. He wavered long enough that she shoved him out of his seat and took his place. The outraged shout was silenced as she flew the ship just above the dust cloud and glowing lights. She felt Qui-Gon's presence on the ship and immediately raised the ship, going for orbit. Her eyes fell to the Pilot who managed to get to his feet, looking shocked. Like a viper strike, she claimed the collar of his uniform in her hands, pulling him close to her.

"Next time, don't hesitate when given an order. Because it could be everyone's lives your endangering rather than just my master's." Her voice was low and threatening as she stood. The tense silence of the room remained until she released him and bolted out, rushing to the storage room. Qui-Gon was collapsed on the floor drenched in sweat and dirt, his cheeks were pale rather than the expected red tint. She knew she should have felt relief seeing her master alive and in one piece, but instead rage bubbled in her chest.

"You _fool_, what were you thinking" she shouted at him. He had the decency to flinch slightly, knowing how angry she was, even as she rounded on the wall. The mediscan and bacta spray that hung on the wall was removed in a single swoop before she stormed to his side. She dropped to her knees next to him quickly running the scan over him as she glared at the screen.

"Are you alright?" a small voice squeaked. Obi-Wan looked up and for the first time noticed the young sandy-haired boy kneeling next to Qui-Gon.

"I think so... that was a surprise I won't soon forget," Qui-Gon replied with ease, causing Obi-Wan to growl.

"If he is alright," Obi-Wan began, directing her attention to the boy, "He won't be when I'm done with him." the boy jumped back surprised as the large man winced under the steely gaze of the young woman.

"I told you, Force knows how many times. This should not have been a surprise. Force, Master! Why must you always ignore me? Believe it or not, I do know what I'm doing." She shouted, only stopping as the scanner began beeping. She scanned the screen before taking a deep sighing breath and turning her cold eyes to the grown man. "You are a very lucky master. You have a minor case of hyperthermia and muscle fatigue. I'll administer the bacta, and you will be going to rest, in ice."

"That thing was after the Queen." Qui-Gon did his best to ignore her as she jammed the needle into his arm to inject the bacta.

"Do you think he'll follow us?" the boy asked. Obi-Wan rolled her eyes.

"For all you know, that thing was after you. Don't go making assumptions until you have the facts. However, in hyperspace, we're safe."

"What about assumptions? So confident in the hyperdrive?" Qui-Gon's eyebrow raised as he looked at Obi-Wan who crossed her arms and glared.

"I installed it myself, so yes I am confident. Unless you discover a device that can yank us out of hyperspace I am secure in the belief that here we are safe." Obi-Wan settled down next to Qui-Gon and glanced at the boy, before shooting a look to her master.

"Ah, Anakin, meet Obi-Wan Kenobi, my Padawan. Padawan, this is Anakin Skywalker."

Obi-Wan reached out her hand shaking the hand of the enthusiastic Tatooine boy. He was a bright spot in the Force, shimmering with awe and excitement for the adventure, but shadowed with worry for his mother.

"Wow! You're a Jedi too?" Obi-Wan couldn't help the smile that made its way to her lips. Such a sweet boy, Brae was around the same age, the same blue shining excitedly.

"I'm pleased to meet you too Anakin."

* * *

"What do you mean?" Obi-Wan whispered in outrage into her comlink, It was late in the rotation cycle, but the call was urgent, and her master was finally asleep.

"The senators have close ties with the trade federation, everyone does, they aren't willing to go against them just for a planet not apart of the alliance." His voice scratched through the comlink. She pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Fuck it all." she hissed. "What about the other front?"

"Everything is ready and waiting for your order."

"Thank you."

"It's past midnight here, and the ship is setting itself to Coruscant time, go to bed, we'll discuss this more in person when you arrive." She hummed as the line went dead. Stowing the com into her pocket she made her way into the main area, moving to the cabinet to make some tea. It was a subtle feeling at first, she barely even noticed it but as her hand touched the cabinet she fully realized, she wasn't alone. She peered over her raised arm, to see Anakin curled in a ball under the bright orange-red robe of one of the maids. He curled inwards further as her eyes landed on him and her face softened.

"You're still awake," she spoke softly, just above a whisper, sending a gentle warmth towards him with the Force to let him know she wasn't upset with him. He nodded into his knees as she sighed.

"You're angry." He whispered back. She paused, leaning against the counter.

"Yes, I am. Things have hit the fan so to speak, I'm trying to clean things up before it gets too bad."

"Hit the fan?" Anakin's head tilted to one side. Obi-Wan chuckled and opened the cabinet.

"It's a shortened version of 'shit hit the fan.' It means that a situation got very messy or chaotic despite the attempts to keep it for happening." She pulled the instant-tea out and grimaced. It was not her favorite, but it would work. She quickly activated it as she turned to Anakin.

"Qui-Gon and I were present to start negotiations on behalf of Naboo to stop a blockade, we were met with hostilities. After our not-so-gracious hosts blew up our ship and tried to poison us we were forced to flee to the Naboo planetside via their invasion crafts where we had to dodge their droids, make our way through the planet core to the other side of Naboo to rescue her Majesty and flee the planet. Our ship sustained fire, and our hyperdrive was severely damaged. That is how we ended up on Tatooine. Since we sat for so long without repairs, we were able to be tracked down by an enemy force. Thus, the negotiations hit the fan." She lifted the warmed tea to her lips, downing it quickly while noticing the slight shivering of the child.

"Come with me." She held out her hand as the other set down the cup. Hesitantly Anakin slipped off the booth and took her hand. She lead him through the ship stopping in front of the door to the room she shared with Qui-Gon.

"We must be very quiet alright" she whispered as manually slid the door open. She pressed a finger to her lips and pointed to the floor instructing him to wait as she crept inside with bare feet that didn't make a sound against the floor. Qui-Gon's snoring was as loud as usual, like a Yozusk roaring. She winced and tiptoed past him to the small storage. As the door creaked open, his snores stopped, and he shifted.

"Obi-Wan?"

"I'm here master, go back to sleep." She whispered, crossing her fingers and praying to the Force. A second later the sores resumed, and she sighed in relief before claiming what she had been looking for.

When she reemerged, it was with a pillow and a bundle of fabrics. She slid the door shut again and took Anakin's hand. As a door slid, open Anakin's jaw dropped in awe as he saw the engines and hyperdrive.

"This is the engine room. It's by far the warmest room in the ship." She dropped her armload onto the floor before kneeling in front of Anakin. A wave of brown swept over him before something heavy and warm settled over him. He glanced down wide-eyed at the two warm Jedi robes that she had wrapped him in. A sigh escaped his lips as he leaned forward into her.

She wrapped her arms around him, letting him settle on the pillow on the floor and leaning Obi-Wan. He burrowed into her side, eyes finally drifting shut as Obi-Wan hummed and ran her fingers through his hair. His breaths evened out as she sent calming waves of the Force over him.

"The burning star of Izax bathes the sea in light, feel the peaceful warmth, touch the darkest night." She sang softly.

"'s pretty," Anakin mumbled against her. She stiffened for a moment, glancing at him. His face was lax, obviously nearly asleep, so she sighed and relaxed, leaning against the wall. She closed her eyes and placed her head against his soft hair.

"Calm your angry heart beneath the waves of fate, feel the tears of Scyva, wash away your hate."


	2. Echo

Chapter 2: Echo

* * *

_"The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned."_

_-Maya Angelou, All God's Children Need Traveling Shoes_

* * *

**Nathem Manor, Dromund Kaas: 3643 BBY (10 ATC)**

Medria fidgeted in the foyer of the manor, her anxiety and nerves running up and down her spine making her feel restless. Her travel bag was at her feet but the maid, Keya, rushed around like a nervous wreck. The steward of the manor, Far'sha, was in the opposite effect, sitting in one of the plush chairs in the opening room, eyes closed, half asleep.

Her transport was set to pick her up in 20 minutes, and from there she was to take a shuttle to Kaas orbital station and a ship to Korriban. Her training at the Sith Academy on Dromund Kaas was slow, constantly interrupted with procedures to help mend the wounds she had acquired while still a child before the treaty was signed, allowing her to gain full mobility of her scarred limbs. Despite the fact she often was behind the class she entered in with, she always rose to the occasion, fighting for the right to be there. Though she had the manor and her father's name, she never forgot, having the Force was not a privilege, her privilege was the dirt.

"Kaya." Medria droned watching the maid rush through the rooms with her arms full of stuff. "I'm going to the Academy on Korriban. I doubt there will be a need for me to pack the entire house."

"But, what if you need something?" the maid paused head tilted to the side and face drawn up in concern. "It's my job to make sure you have everything you need."

"I doubt I'll need dresses, make-up, blankets, pillows..." Medria trailed as she plucked each item from the older woman's arms. Her eyes grew wide, before softening to fond annoyance as she pulled out a sack that the maid tried to hide. "Kaya, they aren't going to starve me. Just like everywhere else there will be a refectory for me to get food and drink."

There was a loud knocking at the entrance door that echoed through the manor. Medria sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Through the Force, she could sense one individual at the door, no harm intended, but certainly not her transportation. For the past week, she had nothing but 'well-wishers' stop by to see her off before she left, though some offered the hope she would not return.

"Kaya, go put all of that away. Far'sha, answer the door." She ordered. Kaya tried to argue, but obediently scooped the items in her arms and went back work. Far'sha opened his eyes and stood like nothing had happened. The old man moved slowly to the door opening it. Familiarity and warmth entered the Force as the door opened.

"I hope I am not intruding. I wanted to see young Medria off." The deep familiar voice spoke clearly, and Medria spun on her heel.

"Nikholas!" Medria rushed forward.

The old family friend stood in the doorway, smiling. She had known the old man since she was a child, as he often came to the manor for meetings with her father. When she was 6, she decided that he was her best friend because he had pretty eyes. After her father's death and her injury, he would check on her often, helping schedule medical appointments, enrolling her in the Sith academy as well as tutoring her. Through it all he hardly changed, though he often told her she was giving him gray hairs and wrinkles, he stood tall and strong, built for combat as he served in the Navy.

"Are you prepared for this?" his large hands landed on her shoulders when she stood in front of him, his warm auburn eyes staring deep into her soul.

"Yes. I've been prepared for this." Enthusiasm filled her.

"And who are you meeting?" He quizzed her. Although he had gone over all that information, so she knew it by heart, he was still checking.

"An Overseer by the name of Boreas Tremel."

"You need to be prepared to do whatever it takes. Listen to your overseer, but remember he is not infallible."

"My privilege is the dirt. Ambition will be my guide. My freedom is in the battles I face, the victories I win. My birthright the losses I have suffered, my entitlement is my pain. Though I am surrounded, I face my trials alone." she repeated the lines engraved in her since she was a child. Nikholas' grip tightened on her shoulders, a sign to her he was about to say something essential.

"No task is more important than your life. If you cannot complete the task at the time step back and look at it from another perspective." Medria smiled and leaned forward to whisper in his ear like she was telling a secret.

"Kaya believes my one and only task is to find a husband on Korriban. I think I can face anything if it means avoiding that."

Nikholas barked a laugh and relaxed his grip. Kaya had been trying to find Medria a husband for years, working on beauty regiments and the such to hid her scarred face and limbs. It wasn't because Medria was uninterested in a husband, but she knew the reality. She was Sith, finding anyone normal would be a challenge alone, and she refused to marry another Sith just so she wouldn't have to live fearing when her spouse decided she was not worth it anymore.

"You're wise Medria, to avoid finding a mate at the Academy." he paused as the sound of a speeder pulling up in front of the manor was heard. "Your father would be proud of you. Be safe, may the Force serve you."

"Thank you." She picked her bag up from the floor and slung it over her shoulder. In 24 hours she would be landing on Korriban.

* * *

**Jedi Temple, Coruscant: 32 BBY (3621 ATC)**

Obi-Wan stayed silent, standing behind her master as he gave the report to the council. After the initiate looks of sympathy from a few of the masters, knowing that the report and the should have been her job, but also knowing that her master was so stubborn that if he decided to take charge, there was no stopping him. She kept her gaze straight ahead, staring at the skyline through the windows. She had to provide her master with credit where it was deserved; he was excellent at omission. If he ever admitted to the council during a report that he had only managed to escape Tatooine due to a wager, Master Windu was bound to have an aneurysm there and then. They were arguing the possibility of a sith lord, but she had no doubt. There was two now, that was it, and that creature was the apprentice. He was angry, a raging inferno in the force, filled with anger and resentment. That being said the master wasn't far. In fact, from the masked dark energy, she could say with certainty that the master was on Coruscant.

With the tail tell dismissal Obi-Wan bowed and turned, starting to leave. However, when she heard her master's name, she realized that he was not with her. She turned and paused in confusion. Their bond was quiet, his side shutting her out, something she was not used to.

"With your permission, my Master. I have encountered a vergence in the Force." He started. She fought the urge to sigh. The child deserved better, and with his age, it would be a constant fight with the council. She reached out along their bond trying, touching at his shields. The wall was reinforced instead, making her feel colder, and she wasn't oblivious to the subtle shock she got from it. She withdrew, a frown making its way on her face.

"A vergence, you say?" Yoda asked doubtfully.

"Located around a person?" Master Windu questioned.

"A boy, his cells have the highest concentration of midichlorians I have seen in a life form. It is possible he was conceived by the midichlorians." Her master explained, and immediately Obi-Wan's eyes shut. He always had to prove a point.

"You're referring to the prophecy of the one who will bring balance to the Force. You believe it's this boy?" Master Windu questioned. Mentally Obi-Wan confirmed him. Of course, that was what he believed. The prophecy was what drove him in life. Blind hope that the dark could be vanquished once and for all.

"I don't presume" her master wavered, realizing the thin ice he was on.

"But you do! Revealed your opinion is." Yoda accused.

"I request the boy to be tested."

He glanced over at her, subtly out of the corner of his eye. Her displeasure was palpable, and he sensed it easily. However, she pulled her walls up around her mind, staring him down. If he would ignore her, undermine her, then she at least would ensure her own privacy.

Her hands clenched on her arms. The child was too old. They would never accept him, even if they took him in. She tuned the council out, after all, her opinion meant little in the matter.

_There is no emotion; there is peace_

_There is no ignorance; there is knowledge_

_There is no passion; there is serenity_

_There is no chaos; there is harmony_

_There is no death; there is the Force._

She chanted over in her mind like it would change anything. Instead, it shifted slowly as she went on.

_Emotion. Peace. Passion. Chaos. Death. Force._

_Peace, lie. Passion. Strength. Power. Victory. Freedom._

Her mind snapped back. She couldn't go to that line, not there.

To her relief, no one noticed her dark thoughts. All focus was still on Her master, even as he bowed and started to the exit. Obediently Obi-Wan followed him into the lobby. The padawan manning the council chambers looked bored but had the decency to straighten up as they exited. She shot the boy a sympathetic look. That had to be a tedious job. She followed her towering master to the lifts sighing.

"Master-"

"I know what you're going to say Obi-Wan."Her master cut her off swiftly. Her face closed off.

"May I be dismissed," she asked coldly.

"Not going to say it, are you?"

"What's the point if you already know, master." apparently the lifts were slow, Obi-Wan decided, training her eyes on the doors as they waited.

"Out with it."

"I don't think the boy should join the order. He's too old; the others will never truly accept him." She glanced up at him. His arms were crossed over his chest as he glared down at her. He knew despite everything; she didn't defy him in there. "He should be with his mother. Master, if he is accepted only because of the belief that is possibly some child savior, he will have to live up to that for the rest of his life. Have you given one thought as to what that will do to him? He's a child; no one should be forced to live up to that kind of expectation."

"I have faith-"

"FAITH? Do you even hear yourself? He's a child, the only faith that should be placed in him is that he'll come home messy and forget to put his clothes away and wash behind his ears. Not save the galaxy. He shouldn't be here."

"And who are you to decide if he should be here or not?"

"Apparently I'm the only one who sees this clearly. You promised his mother to get him out of there. You succeeded. You should have promised to take care of him. Since apparently, you've left your head elsewhere-" Her eyes darted to the padawan managing the desk at the council chambers whose discomfort was now palatable.

Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi, the perfect team. Obi-Wan was always subservient, obeying her master without question, and Qui-Gon was always the rebel. Now there they were with Obi-Wan not only questioning him but yelling at him. To any outsider it was abnormal, but for years it had been like that between the two, an unspoken tension resting in the space between them. Disparaging looks sent from master to padawan, resentment sent back. There were even times when she had wished that he hadn't changed his mind on Bandomeer. She could feel the tremor from the other padawan. Fear, fear of her. She straightened her shoulders and tightened her jaw as the lift dinged.

"Obi-Wan" Qui-Gon growled

"May I be excused, master? I haven't had leave for some time." She met his eyes easily, lifting her chin to look up to him. Letting her bond shields weaken slightly to let out a torrent of emotions. Stressed, worried, concerned, tired, restless, sad, guilty. It was just enough to get him to soften.

"Alright Obi-Wan, it's been an exhausting few weeks." It was true. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were desirable for negotiations and had finished up one just in time to go straight to Naboo.

The door to the council chambers opened, and Yoda wandered out.

"Qui-Gon, speak with you, I wish, my grand-padawan. Tea with me, you will have."

Obi-Wan bowed just as the second lift opened, excusing herself to the one alone.

"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon called before the lift shut. She held her hand out, keeping the doors from closing.

"The boy is in the senate district with our friends from Naboo. I would like you to get him at some point." There was an underlay of an order, with the council there, she would not defy him.

"Of course, Master, just let me know when."

"I'll com you the time."

She bowed letting the door slip shut leaving her peacefully alone.

She took a long deep breath, eyes shut, and when they opened, they were like lava. Her shields were perfect. Over 20 years with the Jedi ensured that. The three years before it all fell apart also helped. She reached up and fixed her hair, letting her eyes fade back to gray as the lift descended lower, Force she was tired.

* * *

No one ever entered the bowels of the Jedi temple. While the temple guards did patrol the general area leading to the core of the temple, there was never a reason for anyone to venture to the core, so it wasn't a real concern for them. However Obi-Wan knew how to avoid everyone with skill and ease, she might as well be walking to her own quarters with her confidence.

It was dusty and dark the farther into the core of the temple one wandered, a fact which didn't bother her. It was curious though. Why in the galaxy would the Jedi build atop a sith temple?

She knew her history, it was one of her best subjects, in fact, she knew that the shrine had been made just over a millennia before she had been born. It had been her assumption though, that the Jedi at least had the brains to destroy such a place rather than letting it slowly poison their own temple. Her late night wondering during her initiate years as a Jedi had proven her wrong.

The entrance was a set of unassuming black doors that had black tiles all the way up to the high ceilings of the dark hall. She pushed one door open a crack, slipping inside. It was black inside, only illuminated by the red glowing that she had deemed "the heart" of the temple, which shown through each crack, illuminating the way throughout.

"Who enters?" A voice called, the heart, the temple itself.

"It's only me. As always." She answered lightly, before the heart pulsed warningly. "I am a Lord of the Sith, acknowledged by the dark council. My father named me Medria Nathem." She tried to placate the heart. It never remembered, and as tedious as it could be, it made each visit feel like a fresh start. She pulled her walls close, reinforcing it, all gaps were sealed, and she slipped away from the view of the Jedi. The temple itself guarded those who entered, masking their presence in the force.

"What brings you here?" It asked her, the voice echoing as she entered the shrine. It was small, nothing overly elaborate, and as decorative as the temples she had seen on Korriban and Dromund Kaas, however, it had its beauty as she knelt, feeling relieved.

"Solace, from the Jedi." She sighed, sucking in the power of the dark like it was her first gasp of air after nearly drowning.

"Why flee from the Jedi?"

"You were consumed by the Jedi, surrounded and buried. I cannot meditate, not while they are present." She explained.

"What year is it?" It asked a question it never did before.

"It is 3621 years after the Treaty of Coruscant. Who was the Master when this temple was created?"She reached out searching, pulling at each emotion, sinking into meditation.

"Naga Sadow."

"It has been... 5 thousand years, roughly since your creation." She racked her mind for her history, the way the leadership was handed down through the ages. The destruction of Nathema. "Lord Vitiate took reign not long after, after stoking the embers of fear of the Republic throughout the empire."

She landed on her frustration, her frustration at being continually being undermined, at being ignored, unqualified, her master using a child to soothe his ego. She raged, and it rolled into the room amplifying and sharpening.

"Nathem... Nathema. You have a strange name, young one. That is not a pureblood name."

She barked a laugh, her concentration slipping.

"I am not a pureblood. I'm human... I think, at least. Either way, my father was a complex man, who had an unfortunate sense of humor." she mused, head tilted as she considered her lineage before shrugging it off.

"How can you not know?"

"Though I have my suspicions about who my mother was, I never learned for a fact. And, as I said, my father was a complicated man. I'm mostly sure he was human, or nearly human.

"Out of wedlock." It spat.

"My privilege was the dirt. I had to fight for everything I had. That's what my mother gave me, what my father drove into me." She scoffed and shook her head, standing. "I wouldn't expect you to understand."

Her thoughts moved, and so did she. When she had first arrived, she carved names into the stone so she would never forget. Her family, her friends, people she worked with, people met in passing, enemies. She never wanted to forget. Her fingers trailed over each name.

"I didn't know my family until much later in life. My regret is that we weren't able to be there for each other growing up." Her voice was soft as her hand trailed the name of her sister. "I could have been there for her. I could have helped her."

Her hand moved to her brothers', hand covering them. She pressed her forehead against the back of her hand.

"Family is sacred. There's a bond forged by those from blood and by choice that cannot be explained, it simply is. Much like the Jedi force bonds with their apprentices, unknowingly Sith force bonds with their family, because we love, our passion is deep." She moved over slightly planting a kiss on three names before turning to the heart.

"I need to go now. I thank you for your help meditating." She started down the steps moving swiftly towards the door. "I'll be back, try not to forget!" She called as she opened the door.

…

As the door shut the light shone brightly as a figure emerged. He was tall, broad-shouldered, square-jawed. His armor was thick and intimidating as the red light of the heart glowed from within him. Each session she came he gathered information from her, he had her repeat herself, over and over. She was always so reluctant to speak directly with him, but here, she spoke freely, openly, meditating with him, letting him guide her as if she were a youngling.

He moved towards the wall, placing his hand next to the section she labeled 'my family.'

"Despite it all child, you still place me first." His finger traced the name. Tenebrae.

* * *

Anakin sat in the cafeteria, legs swinging from the chair he was left in. The council meeting was scary, the beings were frustrated and annoyed. They didn't like him. Anakin decided he liked Obi-Wan. It was loud in the temple, noise filled his head, but Obi-Wan was soothing. He could feel her softly, where others were loud.

"Come on, hurry!" A young boy shouted catching Anakin's attention. For a moment he thought the boy was talking to him until a Twi-lek child stood up.

"Why? what's going on?" he asked.

"Kenobi's in the Arena!" the first child shouted. Anakin's head rocketed up. Kenobi, he knew that name. Kenobi. OBI-WAN. He got up and followed the group of children who all rushed through the temple into a room the sunk deep like a bowl with seats that lined the walls so everyone could see. However, Anakin moved to the front with the rest of the children, pressing himself as close to the shield as he could.

He could see her moving slowly around the shielded portion of the room, pressing buttons along the wall. Her hair was tied close to her head, braided and pinned. She didn't even seem to notice that she had an audience watching her. Anakin glanced around, there were dozens of people there, even adults, taking a seat to watch.

"What's so special about Obi-Wan?" Anakin whispered to the child next to him.

"She's like, the best! When she's knighted, I hope she'll choose me as a padawan." was the answer.

"Don't get your hopes up, I'm going to be Kenobi's Padawan." another child jeered before leaning back to look at Anakin. "Her master had her train almost non stop, she's amazing with a 'saber."

She was stretching, twirling the hilt of her lightsaber around in her hand, bouncing on her heels. Then she knelt down in the middle of the room, eyes closed as she slipped something into each ear. Anakin watched with bated breath as Obi-Wan took slow deep breaths, her shoulders rising and falling steadily with each inhale and exhale.

"Computer, initiate voice recognition." Obi-Wan's voice was loud, as it caused silence to fall over the crowd.

"Recognition started, state name."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"Recognition complete."

"Initiate personalized training simulation: Star of Izax."

"Initializing. Prepare."

Obi-Wan took a deep breath, as did everyone in attendance, and it hung on bated breath.

A droid jumped to life, swinging a training saber with deadly intent at Obi-Wan's neck. However, as if anticipating it, she rolled under the blade, activating her own. Just as she blocked the next blow blaster fire came from the walls. She twirled around it, jumping over each fire like they moved in slow motion. Anakin stood there jaw dropped. He caught a glimpse of how Mister Qui-Gon fought, but Obi-Wan's style was different. She never stopped moving. She jumped and flipped, doing acrobats he didn't think were possible. He kept watching until Obi-Wan's hands found her knees, and she bent over panting.

"Wizard."

"Computer stop simulation." She ordered between breaths. She glanced up, looking right at him.

"Aww. That was barely any time at all." the child next to him sighed. On her behalf, he bristled.

She had been on a run when she picked him up from the Senate and was all sweaty and sticky, but he had insisted that she carry him on her back as she completed her run back to the temple.

"Shields down." the glowing shields disappeared, and she could see him clearly. An exasperated look crossed her face as she made eye contact with him. She straightened and walked over to him, much to the excitement of the others. She plucked the things in her ears out and stored them away in her belt.

"Anakin, shouldn't you be with the council?" she breathlessly asked, leaning against the high wall, looking up at him.

"Obi-Wan, that was so wizard. You did that even after we ran all the way here from the Senate, well, you ran. That was so wizard!" He cheered. She laughed and shook her head.

"Come on; Master Qui-Gon is probably looking for you." She reached up and plucked him from the stands, and moved him to her back with ease.

"D'ya think I will be able ta do that?" he asked excited, bending over her shoulder to look at her face. There was a soft smile that she gave him the night on the ship. Her head tilted his way slightly, though her focus was on her path.

"If the council accepts you, and you're willing to train hard, I don't see why not." They reached a lift which seemed to be already waiting for them.

"Everyone wants to be your padawan," he told her and felt the hesitation in her next step.

"Why do you think that?"

"They were arguing over who you would choose."

"Well, I haven't even been recommended for my trials yet, I'm going to worry about that before even concerning myself with if I'm going to take on an apprentice."

All too soon they were at the council chambers where Mister Qui-Gon was pacing. Anakin could feel anger coming from him in waves, and he gripped Obi-Wan a bit tighter.

"Where were you?" He demanded, hands crossing his chest.

"Sorry master. I figured he would be bored so I invited him down to watch me practice." Anakin blinked. She just lied, easily. There was no shift in her, nothing, and she did it for him. He was angry but the anger directed at Anakin for disappearing shifted to Obi-Wan.

"We'll talk about this later, Padawan." He warned as the council chambers opened. Obi-Wan quickly set him down.

"Calm the storm, Anakin." She whispered, and a soothing feeling washed over him. He reached out towards that feeling, but Obi-Wan pressed a hand to his heart and smiled before standing and slipping her hands into her robes.

The three of them went to the center of the room, Obi-Wan, a step behind Mister Qui-gon and to the right, while Anakin stood directly in front of Mister Qui-Gon, with the man's large hands on his shoulders. He swallowed nervously, glancing up at Mister Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan before facing the many adults around the room.

Calm the storm. He reminded himself as he took a deep breath.

"Correct you were, Qui-Gon." the small green one said.

"His cells contained a high concentration of midichlorian." the angry looking bald man elaborated.

"the force is strong with him." another agreed.

"He's to be trained then." Mister Qui-Gon sounded relieved, happy. Anakin was going to be a Jedi.

"No. He will not be trained." the angry bald man disagreed.

The Galaxy dropped out from under him.

"No?!" Mister Qui-Gon shouted. Anakin's eyes watered as he turned to look to Obi-Wan who smiled weakly at him.

"He's too old. There is already too much anger in him." the bald man started.

"He is the chosen-" Hands slapped over Anakin's ears as his vision filled with Obi-Wan's rage-filled eyes. He wasn't sure if it was just because her hands were over his ears or if the room really did fall quiet. Her eyes weren't on him, they were looking up, over his head glaring. The calmness he was so used to feeling from her turned to a sandstorm, large and powerful. It rumbled in his chest until it faded quickly.

She stiffened, eyes dropping immediately to the floor. He could feel her hands trembling over his ears before falling to his upper arms.

"We forbid it." someone said, but he knew, somehow, they weren't talking about him. Their eyes were on one of two places, Qui-Gon, or Obi-Wan.

"Anakin, go wait outside." She spoke softly.

"but-" He tried to argue but a soft hand on his cheek silenced him. Her gray eyes met his.

"Now, Anakin, you shouldn't hear these things." It was a warning and a protection. He nodded, and let her lead him to the door. He glanced back up at her once they reached the door.

"Are you in trouble?" He asked, noticing the blank look in her eyes. Her smile never reached. She brushed her fingers through his hair.

"No, but don't worry about me Anakin, it'll be alright."

As the door slid shut, the last thing he saw was Obi-Wan's eyes close.

He waited for them, and it took ages. The padawan sitting at the desk stared at him, and he stared back. Finally, the door to the chambers opened, and Qui-Gon strolled out. He turned as if to speak to Obi-Wan, but she was still standing amongst the masters, head bowed. Qui-Gon had just passed the doors, and before he could call out Obi-Wan's name, they slid shut.

* * *

"Sit Kenobi, before you fall." Master Windu's broke her thoughts. Numbly she obeyed, dropping to her knees before the council — her hand wrapped around her long Padawan braid as if desperately clinging to the past.

Things were rocky between her and Qui-Gon, but to be repudiated in front of the council was a shock for even her. Though she was sure it wasn't his intent, even the council recognized the dismissal. She barely managed to land a padawanship (though at the time she didn't care), but then she left to fight with the young, and then Master Tahl died. The thought of her trials was second hand, he only wanted to train the chosen one.

It was a knee-jerk reaction to flinch when a heavy hand landed on her shoulder, stopping her thoughts. However, when she looked up, it was Master Windu kneeling before her. Storm gray eyes dropped to look at the tiled floor.

"Do you still wish for me to go on the mission," she asked staring at the mosaic tiling in detail.

"Yes, your insights could prove vital."

She nodded mutely for a minute before looking up at the master.

"I will complete my mission Masters, and then I will take my leave of the Jedi. I have been repudiated once more; I am too old for another master to take me, too young to take my trials. Let Qui-Gon take Anakin on; it is his wish to do so. I will not stand in the way." Obi-Wan conceded.

It was then that true sorrow filled her. She was not whole, but Qui-Gon had promised to see her to her knighthood. She wanted to understand, no, she needed to understand what the Jedi went through, why the Grand-Master could put past her personal feelings to work side by side with a sith. Why she would deny her own son but recognize her as powerful. Why some rules applied and strictly enforced but others meant nothing. So far, none of it made sense to her. She understood controlling her emotions, to an extent, but only so much as to how it could be used to help or hinder her, which had always been how she viewed everything.

"What will you do? Where will you go?" Master Mundi asked.

"I've met several beings on my adventures, allies, a few I've kept in contact with. If I ask it, they'll take me in, until I am settled on my feet. From there I'm not sure, there's a whole galaxy, so much unknown to me." She had plans she had been putting off. A commitment to Tremel and her other people. A Sith to hunt down, a force to build.

"We're losing a bright star in the Force, Obi-Wan, we are sorry for the loss."

She shook her head though and smiled. Life could continue, as could her plans. She could leave Anakin her com number if he ever needed her, but she could virtually disappear.

"No, this is for the best." She disagreed, pushing up to her feet. She bowed the council and paused. "Might I request that I keep my lightsaber? I'll most likely need it for Naboo, and it could prove useful out there."

They seemed to debate for a second before permitting it, letting her walk out with a high head and her lightsaber still clicked to her belt.

"Obi-Wan, what was that about?" Qui-Gon demanded as she exited. She took Anakin's hand as the three of them walked to the lift.

"They needed to speak with me on a private matter." Which wasn't a lie, she just didn't need to tell him.

"So you're not in trouble?" Anakin asked.

"No, no I'm not in trouble," she whispered as they entered the elevator. "I have a few things I need to grab at our chambers, but I can meet you at the Senate shortly." the lift stopped at one of the residential floors, and Obi-Wan stepped off. She smiled shortly at Anakin before striding away briskly, leaving Master and new Padawan together on the lift. She moved to her old quarters, fingers pausing over the name place pinned to the wall. Jinn/ Kenobi.

Palming to door open she stepped inside the dark apartment. The light flickered on. Everything was exactly as it was the last time she was there. Neat and orderly, as Qui-Gon preferred. Two mugs sat cup side down on the counter waiting for use. The walls were bare save for a painting Qui-Gon had acquired many years ago. A stack of datapads sat in a tilted tower next to her plush chair where she would curl up and read over reports or old history texts. A part of her was impressed that the stack had not tipped over quite yet. She plucked out those which mattered to her: a datapad on the laws of the republic over the past three thousand years, the history of fighting techniques and how to identify them, and a text called "the treaty of Coruscant: diplomacy, intelligence, and war. The latter was, of course, written from the republic's viewpoint of the great war. She carried the three datapads to her room where she stowed them away in a shoulder bag, along with a change of clothes, her underclothes, a holocube with snapshots of her life as a padawan, and youngling.

Most importantly to her, she grabbed flimsy that she had drawn on. Familiar faces in ink looked up at her, each on their own page. Some were drawn more frequently than others. A man with sleek black hair and a nerflick right in the front, and a straight face with smiling eyes. A twi'lek with a shite eating grin, or laughing. A smiling little boy. A baby girl, eyes wide with wonder. She gently tucked them away in her bag before looking around the room. She went to walk out when she Force called one last object to her, a smooth black stone with red veins landed in her hand, and she closed her fist around it. She couldn't part with it.

* * *

**Theed, Naboo: 32 BBY (3621 ATC)**

Obi-Wan's blood pulsed for the need, it tore through every fiber of her being. Fight. She longed for battle, a real war between foes. She could feel it from him as well, even as the red Zabrak with black sith tattoos covering him lowered his hood. His yellow and red eyes called to her, begging her to return the favor of revealing her intent. She stepped forward, taking her robe off with little ceremony, eyes locked on the apprentice before her. He held the hilt of his lightsaber out and without even igniting it she knew, two blades. When it ignited one at a time, she dreaded what it meant for both her and her master.

Azure light up her vision as she thumbed it on to the highest setting. This was no practice; she would aim to dismember him. She charged him, flipping over hoping that the jumping attack would throw him off, but he managed to block her attempt as well as. It was a dance she was not fully accustomed to. The last time she faced an opponent with a lightsaber with the intent to kill was when she was still an initiate with an awkward body trying to keep alive a master who wanted nothing to do with her. The last time, as an adult, was another lifetime ago, with no practice since then. But she wasn't inexperienced. The predatory stalk she had when he backed them into the power generator pit warned him of her experience. She couldn't go all out, if she did, Qui-Gon was sure to report her to the council. The blessing was that Qui-Gon had all but closed their bond, leaving her to funnel her emotions through her.

A kick to the face shocked her, even as she tumbled off the bridge. She landed hard, shoulder first onto a lower level before nearly rolling off. Her fingers strained, keeping her up as she cursed. She got ahead of herself. The dance was off step. She heard a thud, followed by another, and with a glance, noticed the apprentice and Qui-Gon also dropped down a level. She Struggled to pull herself up and quickly rushed to join the fight once more. Speed enhanced or not, she was no match for the laser barrier that closed in the hallway just before she arrived, leaving her helpless as Qui-Gon and the apprentice were ahead of her.

She opened her mind, beating at the bond she shared with Qui-Gon begging for him to open up. Any fool could sense the apprentice's intent. The older man was not styled for confined space, he was going to get hurt. The bond opened slightly.

'Wait for me, damn it!" she shouted at him through their bond, but she felt him brush her off, closing up once more.

Fear rose in her. Fear, panic, dread. Their barriers opened before hers and immediately engaged once more. Her barrier didn't drop soon enough as she sped through the hallway, only to be cut short by one barrier.

Time froze, and everything slowed to a crawl. Qui-Gon swung, was blocked, arms knocked above his head, a hit to the head by the apprentice's lightsaber stunned him, and then red, through his torso. He looked shocked, eyes wide. The pain leaking through the bond didn't come for a few seconds until the saber was withdrawn and his brain caught up with his body.

"NOOOOOO!" She screamed, the pain from her master echoing through her soul. It hurt, burned. It reminded her all too much of when she was stabbed, but this time she could feel the bond growing cold distant. She gripped tightly at the bond, even as the apprentice grinned and mutely threatened her. She couldn't think, couldn't keep calm. All she could focus on was gripping the bond tightly and not letting go. The rage burned into her soul as soon as the barrier released. She launched herself into a full attack. She was strong, being able to use both hands granted the ability to put weight against each strike, forcing him to move around her. A Force push was a cold reminder that as she hung over the melting pit, her master was still aware, feeling everything she was. Sparks flew down on her as the Zabrak taunted her. She sobered quickly quashing down her bloodlust

SURVIVE.

Scyva cleansed her. Intent remained, focus. She had to survive. She glared at the apprentice. He represented every failure of the sith, every weakness. Qui-Gon's lightsaber shivered and the Force built in her. She hated the Zabrak, but that was not why they fought. He was in her way. He hurt Qui-Gon. He would kill Anakin.

She lept, the Force rushing out of her as she spun over the apprentice slashing. He looked shocked, a look she was not unaccustomed to when facing a foe. She was always underestimated. Her blood, her age, her size, her status. She knew no bounds. The apprentice tumbled back, legs separating from his body at the waist, before falling into the deep melting pit.

Once Obi-Wan was sure that he would not be coming back she dashed to Qui-Gon's side, clinging more desperately to the bond that was freezing over.

"Master. Master" She cried out, she slid to his side, gently lifting his head into her lap as she pressed a hand to his wound. His large hand found her's on his chest, and squeezed it lightly.

"It is too late... It's..." He breathed face scrunched in pain. She pulled at the bond, trying to keep him close as she bent in closer to him.

"No. I'll get help, you'll be fine." His cheeks were being splashed by water, and she realized her vision was swimming. She was crying.

"Obi-Wan, promise... promise me, you'll train the boy..." he struggled to get out as she pushed what little Force healing skills she had into the wound.

"No, no. I-I can't. you have to survive." She shook her head. He didn't even know she wasn't a Jedi anymore.

"Obi-Wan please, promise me." He begged looking deep in her eyes. She could feel him, for the first time in over a month, reach out to her through their bond. The bond was freezing, numb, but she felt a warmth coming from him. 'Everything is going to be alright' he was trying to portray.

"Okay. I promise." she agreed.

"He is the chosen one... he will... bring balance..." he struggled to say, but Obi-Wan shook her head.

"You don't even know what that means," she whispered as his hand found her cheek. His large thumb wiped away a tear before pain erupted throughout her soul. His hand dropped away as she screamed and sobbed, clutching him tightly as the bond snapped and lashed back at her. She felt ill, and the world fell from under her until she collapsed, unconscious around the body of her former master.


	3. Frozen

Chapter 3: Frozen

_A/N: This chapter includes Zakullian culture, which, I've made up. Most of which, centers around the belief of the old gods and how it relates to the Force and how Obi-Wan balances it with the beliefs of the Jedi._

_"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."_

_\- Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy_

**3630 BBY (23 ATC)**

126 hours of humanitarian work. 4 hours of flight between 2 planets and then another 4 just to get back to base. In that time the Commander slept 3 hours, total. An hour nap between planets and two hours on the way back to base. Despite the dark bags under her eyes her mood never changed, she remained level headed and focused on the task. Unlike many perceptions of leadership, she was down in the dirt of the efforts working side by side, rather than barking out orders. She managed to avoid listening to her second in commands, Lana and Theron, until their arrival back to base.

The Commander wasn't quite worried enough when Lana and Theron went straight to her brother and Senya when their ship landed.

"Vette, I want you to upgrade the weapons on the Salvation, I know you've been dying to do so. Also, run another scan to see if there's been any signal from Quinn or Jaesa." The Commander ordered, her hand gentle on her friend's shoulder.

"Of course." The Twi-Lek smiled. Vette's periwinkle eyes drifted over the Commander's shoulder and grew pale.

The Force gave no warning as she felt a hand grab her arm, and suddenly she was in the air and landing harshly on a sharp shoulder blade. She grunted, air rushing out of her lungs as her brother threw her over his shoulder and walked away with her. She gaped.

"Put me down!" She commanded, hitting his back and kicking as the ground swayed before her.

"I think not." His voice was strong. "Lana and Theron spoke with me..."

Suddenly the Commander wasn't sure if it was the blood rushing to her head or dread rising that made her suddenly feel like the earth was going to swallow her. Dignity was out the window, but she was thankful that it seemed that no one was in the halls. The gentle hiss was the sign of a room opening, and once in the darkened room, she was soon airborne once more, landing with a bounce on her bed.

"What were you thinking," he demanded as she sat up, his arms crossed. Their scarred faces mirrored each other, both frustrated, but one more exhausted than the other.

"There was work to be done," she tugged on the straps of her armor loosening it before pulling on her belt, unhooking the strap and letting it fall over her lap.

"I can't be there for you if you work yourself to death." The commander's eyebrows raised at his shouting voice. He was upset with her.

"I apologize Arcann, I won't do it again." She yawned, rubbing her eyes. Suddenly she realized just how dark and warm her room was, the walls thick enough to muffle the noise around the compound. She heard him sigh before feeling her armor being removed. Her eyes snapped open, blinking wildly as Arcann placed her chest and shoulder armor on the display stand.

"I think I am more than capable of undressing!" She squeaked, batting him away when he reached out to her again. The dry look on his face was the start.

Since Arcann joined their alliance, the bond between half-siblings grew strong, and the two acted like they had known each other their whole lives. During meetings, they found themselves speaking over a family bond instead of out loud, which caused some slightly awkward silent moments, and also many eye rolls as private jokes were shared. They understood each other, respected each other. They both had lost much, and when it seemed like there was nothing to hold them up, they found each other.

"Considering you were practically asleep I argue that." He grabbed her hand grabbing at her glove. She clenched her fists and tried to pull away, but he won over her tired state, snaking the fingerless gloves off and setting them on their designated shelf.

"I don't know how you managed to escape me so often, you barely seem capable of taking care of yourself." He muttered, moving to her boots while she begrudgingly pulled her top off, swiftly calling a shawl to cover her bare shoulders. He moved the boots to sit against the wall before grabbing her hairbrush and sitting next to her. Her eyes closed automatically as he started pulling the pins out of her hair, fingers pulling the braids apart.

"Am I doing the right thing?" She whispered, his fingers paused in her hair before continuing like it never happened. It had been months of rebuilding, she refused to take the throne and rule as the next eternal empress, but in many ways, she was one. Zakuul saw her as their leader, and after the destruction of so many planets, her humanitarian efforts had the people turning to her for leadership.

"I think that the galaxy doesn't deserve you," he told her honestly, as he finished brushing out her hair. "Get your rest, you need it." He stood, placed the brush on her nightstand and walked to the door. The lights dimmed until the room was completely dark.

"And Medria" Arcann paused hand on the door. "Don't doubt yourself, sister." He left quickly with the sound of his sister's deep breaths filling the room.

…

Sirens blared throughout the compound, startling Medriaa awake. The steady strobing of the red emergency light lit up her private chambers as she stumbled into action. The sudden awakening made her movements slow and awkward as she nearly tripped out of her bed, sheet tangling her feet as she rushed to her armor, hands flying through her hair, tying it up unceremoniously. The one advantage was she kept her armor out and accessible, and slipping into the armorweave was easy enough. As she stumbled to get into the armorweave.

"Attention all personnel report to your stations. This is not an emergency. All civilians are to report to their safety locations. This is not an emergency." A voice called over the sound system spurring the Medria on even more.

She cursed, grabbing her boots and throwing them on as she used the force to call the rest of her armor onto her. Her shoulder and chest piece slipped on over her head strapping itself as she buckled her boots. The belt flew around her waist, latching as her lightsabers clipped on. She stood hand touching the crest of Zildrog as she ran from the room. Just as she exited, her helmet soared to her hand, letting her slip it on with ease.

The halls were crowded and filled with movement. People rushed to their destinations. Civilians, fleeing to the safety locations, towing screaming children, military members running past to report to their individual stations. However, her presence was noticeable even in the chaos. Long powerful strides and singular focus made nearly everyone scatter out of her way.

The command center was bustling with life the commander's inner circle and high-level staff rushed around. Few paused, sparing a bow to her before continuing on with their tasks. It was when the commander spotted Lana by the holomap that she finally spoke up.

"Lana, situation update," she ordered as she moved to stand in front of the map as well. The young Sith Lord was paler than usual in the light of the map, but Medria's eyes were on the cruisers, republic and imperial, in orbit above their base. Shields were up but were under attack from fighters from both sides.

"Imperial and Republic ships have entered the system and opened fire on our supply vessels," Lana replied as Theron moved to stand next to her, datapad in hand.

"What is their purpose here? Has there been any contact?" Medria searched. It had been months since the end of the war, there was no sign beforehand that motioned at an impending attack. It had been long since captives from both sides were returned to their homelands.

"Not as of yet. We have not had contact from our contacts on either side yet as well."Theron answered, looking just as sleepless as the commander. She shouted as she tore her helmet, slamming it on the table with eyes burning of the dark side. A heavy moment passed as movement in the command center paused, eyes all on her. She sighed heavily swearing as she rubbed her face.

"It gets worse," Arcann's gruff voice spoke up from behind her. She glanced over her shoulder as he stepped up to her. He was concerned. "Odessen is blockaded, our fleet is out of reach. They've come to destroy you next, after father, you're the next greatest threat in the galaxy."

"They've shot down two unarmed transport ships and three squads of our fighters." Theron interrupted even as Senya walked in. She too looked like she had just woke up, working to smooth her hair into the usually neat bun she wore.

"Well..." Medria started grimly, a ghost of a smile playing on her lips. "At least we've finally been able to make those two to play nicely together." Lana and Theron snorted, Senya rolled her eyes, and Arcann scowled.

"Medria, not a joking matter." He warned, but her smile widened.

"Then let's show them the alliance is not to be trifled with." She grabbed her comlink, "Vette, prep the Salvation for action. Koth, is my squad ready?"

"Sure thing boss!" Vette's chipper voice called back. "This gives us the time to try out those new improvements."

"The squad is gearing up now, Commander," Koth answered, before shouting at someone. Their commander smiled shaking her head just as the holo started to blink, signaling an incoming signal summons.

"Commander?" Lana asked hand hovering above the answer button. Medria nodded her head, slipping her helmet back on as the image of Empress Acina and Supreme Commander Malcom appeared. Medria straightened, hip cocked to one side, arms crossed over her chest.

"I'm surprised to see you. Guests should make a point to knock or at least announce their intention of arrival beforehand."

"This is no friendly visit." Acina snarled.

"No doubt. You've shot down two unarmed transport ships, bombarded my base, and barricaded this planet. What is it you want here?"

"Simple, we want your surrender. Do so peacefully, and nothing bad will happen." Malcom started before turning and looking at Theron. "Agent Shan..."

"I'm sticking with my Commander." Theron interrupted his father before bowing his head to Medria.

"You must understand that you are vastly outnumbered, Commander Nethem. You will lose this battle." Malcom warned, but his eyes were on Theron.

"You must understand I don't give in. I've faced worse odds when facing the Emperor, Arcann, and then Vaylin, all without your help. So excuse me when I say, I rather like my odds."

The holo grew wider as more people entered range from both sides, dozens of individuals on their knees, soldiers behind them. A few Medria recognized, but from the look of horror that passed Lana and Theron's face she knew, these were their contacts. Medria scowled fists clenching, as the soldiers pulled the trigger on their blasters and their prisoners tumbled forward. But that wasn't the end of it. Acina marched three more people onto the Holo, two small children and an admiral. Medria's heart stopped, the Force froze around, and her ears rang as the Admiral looked up. Malavai. The children clung to him, tears streaming down their faces and before Medria could open her mouth three shots were fired.

Theron slammed his hand down on the Holo, cutting the transmission immediately as the Force started to build pressure. One real and one cybernetic arm wrapped around Medria, holding her tightly as the Force exploded from her and she screamed. Arcann's Force presence surrounded her, smothering her, Senya's not far behind.

"Theron plan zeta."Lana's voice echoed in Medria's ears as she looked up.

"Wha-" Theron grabbed a confused Medria, dragging her from the Holo. Suddenly she was falling. Medria landed with a painful thud but recovered quickly. Her helmet came off as she stood staring up a few at Theron who was now a floor above her as she stood in a pit. There was shouting behind him, and then everything went cold. She summoned a blade to her hand, trying to figure out just why her friend and ally would attack her like that. Cooling sprays came out of the wall, and she raised an arm to cover her face, but the world went dark.

_LINE_

**32 BBY (3621 ATC)**

Pounding. Thudding. Bombardment against a shield. She blinked a force presence washed over her, steady, confident, calm.

"Senya." She mumbled, reaching a hand out for her step-mother. Everything felt weird. The Force felt strange, yet her panic subsided, and she withdrew her Force presence. There was noise all around her, people rushing about. She couldn't move, though, it had to be the cooling spray. Warm hands grabbed her, moving her. Limbs awoke with unpleasant tingling shooting up her legs. Hands moved her bending her back tilting her to rest against a firm body. That most certainly was not Senya. She blinked, eyes unfocused.

"Arcann?" she whispered reaching out searching with the Force.

"Hear" a deep voice muddled through her mind. "-rstand?"

The weight on her legs moved, and someone grabbed her wrist. A warm, calloused hand cupped her cheek, tilting her face back.

"Kenobi?" the voice called again. The brows scrunched up. What was a Kenobi, or who was Kenobi? She racked her mind. Kenobi was a territory, if she remembered, on the planet Stewjon. It flooded back to her. The carbon freeze. The archaeologists.

"Designation Object of Interest One, OB1 Kenobi, Stewjon. My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi." She answered eyes clearing. Qui-Gon was on the floor before her, people surrounding him. "No." She reached forward. The Force gathered in her pushing them away from him only to have arms wrap around her from behind.

"It's okay Kenobi, calm down." the same deep voice whispered, holding her back. Wide-eyed she tilted her head back, staring in momentary horror and shock as she met the eyes of the Korun master. Exhaustion passed through her body, and she slumped against the master. Qui-Gon was gone, those were medics taking his body away.

"Kenobi, what happened?" He asked.

"The sith, he was here. We fought him. He separated us... separated me from master Qui-Gon. I tried to get Qui-Gon to wait for me, but he wouldn't. The sith..." She drifted off staring at Qui-Gon.

"It's okay. You did the best you could. You need to let him go now." He whispered to her. She nodded, relaxing against the older man as they sat against the cold durasteel floor.

"How open was the bond, Kenobi?" He asked, looking at her weak state.

"I was trying to keep him present." Her voice was rough.

"How open?"

"All the way. I was gripping it when..."

He sighed. "And the sith?"

Emotion slipped from her face, and the corner of her lip twitched up.

"Dead." she pointed to the melting pit. "I fought him, then I killed him. He fell into the pit. I know I am no longer a Jedi, but Qui-Gon made me promise to train Anakin." She spoke, her voice was once more level and sure. She tilted her head to look at the older man.

"I'll speak with Yoda on the matter." Master Windu offered. Medria nodded, appearing deep in thought as she took her arm back from the Master's shoulder.

"I've respected the old ways of my people, Master, and Qui-Gon encouraged that I continued to respect them. With your permission, I'd like to prepare his funeral through the rites of my people and the Jedi... I believe that is how he would have liked it."

"Of course, do what you need to, to prepare." Master Windu sympathetically patted her shoulder. Obi-Wan bowed stiffly and started to shuffle off. "Kenobi," He called stopping her. "See a healer along the way." She nodded and continued her back remained to him before disappearing down the hall and through the power generator pit. The moment she was away from him the smile dropped, and a blank look replaced it.

A healer was easier to find than anticipated. To her relief, they didn't have much time to deal with her, worried about the seriously injured. They passed her off with a clean bill of health and sent her off. She grabbed her bag from the hanger where they snuck into the palace, and Rabe was there waiting for here. The battle was over, but there was much left to do. However, Obi-Wan was concerned with only one thing at that moment. With a worried look, the handmaiden pointed in the direction of the bathhouse.

_LINE_

He was worried, very worried.

First, it was the force barrier that she had erected. When he arrived, there were at least a dozen security force agents and medics pressed against the shield, trying to get in. He couldn't even tell who was still alive, Qui-Gon or his little padawan.

It took him calling out with the force for her to even respond, but she was out of it. Crystal blue eyes unfocused as she started towards him, calling out someone else's name. Even when he was holding her, she didn't register it was him.

However, it was her smile that terrified him. She tried to hide it with a blank face, but when she told him, she killed the sith she wanted to smile. A shiver ran up his spine, and a cold heavy feeling settled in his chest. But it was gone as soon as she looked at him again and asked to rejoin the order to train the boy.

He found Yoda meditating in a glass room and sat next to him.

"Worried you are," Yoda stated, his eyes still closed.

"Yes, master... Is it possible that Obi-Wan could be regaining forgotten memories?" Mace asked. Yoda opened his eyes blinking.

"Forgotten memories, hmmm? Say this why do you? No sign before there has been, of memories of a past life." Yoda asked hands folded in front of him.

"She called names of people I've never heard of. Her force signature was disconnected, she was unfocused. There was something about her presence, master... something dangerous, predatory. She also mentioned that Qui-Gon encouraged her to honor the old way of her people. In all regards, we are the only people she should know."

Yoda hummed. It was possible, in fact, they were waiting for years for that situation to arise.

When Mace first joined the council he was made aware of the situation. Object of Interest: One, found in an archaeological site in the countryside of Kenobi on the planet Stewjon. They watched her carefully, observing her as she grew up, happy and ignorant of her past, the entire council waiting for the moment where she would change, shift, for her past to come flooding back to her, yet, it never happened. She was resilient, standing beside a master who resisted the council.

"An eye, keep on her we should." Yoda nodded. Mace sighed.

"She promised Qui-Gon that she would train the boy..."

"Clouded the boy's future is. Dangerous."

"I don't think we can convince her to come back otherwise. She seems determined to take care of the boy."

The two masters sighed before holoing the rest of the council on Coruscant.

_LINE_

It was shortly after meeting Senya, the base on Odessen had been formed and a quiet night led the two of them together. She shamefully explained who Valkorion was to her, and after much discussion, the older woman agreed to mentor her in the ways of Zakuul. Somehow the knowledge drifted to funeral rites as the war raged on. Clean your body before the funeral: avoid attending while dirty, even if you only have the chance to wipe your face. The dead deserve your best.

The warm water of the bathhouse was refreshing, comforting her tired and sore body. Dried sweat was wiped from her skin and lightly scented oils rubbed in. The dead deserved your best, Qui-Gon deserved her best. She took extra care, scrubbing soaps into her hair with her nails pulling away the dust and grime. When it was all done, her wet hair hung down to her waist clinging to her body as she patted her skin dry. She changed into her only spare clothes and combed through her hair, preparing to leave it down for the first time since the funeral of Master Thal. Her silver face stones were in her bag where she kept them for special events. It always made her slightly uncomfortable whenever she put them on, how eerily similar to Vaylin they were. The only saving grace was the fact her stones resembled Senya's, clean cut, small, and polished round and smooth. She had pressed them to her forehead when Rabe peeked her head inside the room.

"Jedi Kenobi, the Masters are looking for you." Rabe, informed her as she straightened her robes. Obi-Wan thanked her, quickly following her to an empty room where Master Yoda stood. With a deep breath, sealing her walls, Obi-Wan entered and knelt in front of the Grandmaster.

He paced in front of her, causing concern to rise in her chest. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear as he turned to look at her.

"Confer on you, the level of Jedi Knight the council does. But agree on you taking this boy as your Padawan learner, I do not."

"Master." She started carefully. "At this point, Anakin needs me more than the Jedi do. If I cannot take him as my apprentice, I will take him with me elsewhere. He is my responsibility now."

"The chosen one the boy may be; nevertheless, grave danger I fear in his training."

"I don't care if he is the chosen one, master, I never have. He's a child who needs someone there for him."

"Qui-Gon's defiance I sense in you. Need that, you do not." Yoda scowled causing Obi-Wan to smile lightly. "Agree the council does. Your apprentice, young Skywalker will be."

"Thank you." Obi-Wan smiled, bowing to the small master.

She stood slowly and walked towards the door.

"Dangerous he is. Careful you must be in his training." Yoda warned. She stopped in her tracks, her back still to the diminutive master.

"Isn't fear the path to the dark side master Yoda?" She tilted her head as if to look over her shoulder with a smile playing on her lips. "The order seems to surround fear: our attempt to crush it under heel, fight against it, deny it. Yet if fear is the path to the dark can we not all be accused of standing on that path? Anakin will have to prove himself, to the council, to you, to the entire order. He has a greater challenge ahead of him than anyone else before him. Chosen one or not, if he can do that I hope you can give him the respect he is due, instead of fearing him more."

Obi-Wan walked out the door leaving Yoda alone in the room.

…

Her heart clenched when she saw him on the pyre. She gripped the side of the pyre leaning against it as her legs went weak. She tried to steady her satchel of supplies as she leaned forward and pressed her lips against Qui-Gon's cold forehead.

"You were my favorite Jedi, I'm sorry I couldn't risk turning you." She whispered before stepping back. A few people had trickled in tears already on their cheeks. She sighed. She needed to start now before there were too many people.

"Tyth, God of war and rage." she intoned quietly. "bless this soul, a man of your kind. As his soul left with a weapon in hand, let him find peace at last." She pulled out a smooth cylinder log and slid it between his hands.

"Aivela, Goddess of passion, this man was fearless in battle. Burn away his doubt as he passes onto the afterlife. May he finally be with those he loved." She pulled out a flower and tucked it into his robed over his heart tears welling in her eyes. Tahl was waiting for him, they could finally be together, just as he had hoped. He was always stronger with her.

"Esne Goddess of envy, I am guilty for I envy for one more day. May you find him strong and faithful in your eyes" She took a long strip of fabric and laid it across his eyes to protect them from her gaze. It was then she noticed that more people were walking in for the funeral, including Padme, Anakin, and the new Chancellor.

"Bear a torch for Nahut, and guide him with your light. Lead him home and let him not lead you astray on your path." She wrapped a cord around his wrist. Then she pulled out a small flask of salt water and poured it over his forehead.

"Scyva, Goddess of sorrow, wash away his hate, guide his passage and stand beside him." She stepped back and took the torch nearby.

"Izax, the ultimate devourer, father, ruler, and bringer of death to us all. Another life has been claimed, body destroyed, but memory never forgotten." She lowered the torch and fire engulfed Qui-Gon's body.

She backed up and stood with the rest of the viewers. Anakin pressed up against her, tear-filled eyes blinking up at her. She sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"He's one with the Force now Anakin, we must let him go." She whispered.

"What will happen to me now?"

"I've been given permission to train you. You will be a Jedi, I promise."

Anakin nodded and leaned against her. It was a long service, but Qui-Gon was honored, and that was what she cared about. She wasn't paying attention when she felt Padme's hand on her arm. The young Queen was one of the last people there, only a few of her staff and Anakin remained. She gestured to him quietly, and Obi-Wan realized with mild shock, that the boy had fallen asleep against her at some point, and the queen was offering to take him back. Obi-Wan nodded, and Captain Panaka stepped forward lifting the child up under his armpits and steadied him on his hip. The last group walked away leaving Obi-Wan to stand in the dim light of the pyre.

She made it three steps forward before she fell to her knees crying out. He was gone. Qui-Gon was truly gone.

She pulled out the vibroblade she had tucked away in her robes, and it trembled in her grasp. Her hair was a curtain around her the honey-gold locks shading her face until she gathered the loose strands together in one hand. For some reason, this was always the hardest part for her. With everything gathered except her padawan braid, she cut through the hair in a single movement. Her hair would grow as her grief wanned, but for now, her hair would be short, only long enough to pull it in a small nerftail, like that of a senior padawan. She used the Force to throw the severed hair into Qui-Gon's fire, letting it burn with her sorrow.

Her cries grew until the air filled with her sobs, and the ground beneath her hands cracked. A dark weathered hand gently gripped her shoulder as someone used it to ease themselves down to kneel next to her.

"I hate him" She whispered through her sobs. "I hate him because if I didn't, I would love him. Because if I didn't, it would hurt too much to control." She glanced over her shoulder at the old man next to her. His warm brown eyes stared at her with unwavering sympathy as his mechanic hand found her hand.

"We were together for 13 years. For 13 years I thought about how I wished he were my father. He was always there for me, and I was there for him. We were balanced. I was the light to his darkness and the darkness to his light. But in the end, he didn't care about me. He never did." she broke off crying again, curling up as the old man shifted closer to her, rubbing circles into her back.

"Let your hate and your love fuel you. You're a master now, you need whatever you can get to fuel you on from this point forward." the warmly familiar voice soothed her. She nodded in agreement, that's all she had left now. She yanked on her braid, the last symbol of her padawanship, and severed it at the same length as the rest of her hair and then cut it in half. She tucked on half away to use for her apprentice's braid and sent the other half through the air to burn along with her master.

"Do you think you can train a Jedi apprentice?" He asked.

"I've lived with the Jedi for over 20 years. My first apprentice was a Jedi, and she taught me some of her teachings. I can do this." She looked over her shoulder at the old overseer, his gray hair glowing in the light of the fire.

"I'm counting on you now Tremel. I won't be as available as we had hoped. you must act as my voice and had, carrying out my will."

He bowed deeply, forehead pressed against the cracked stone.

"You can always trust me Medria."


	4. Patience

**Chapter 4: Patience**

* * *

_A/N: Since I started to write the dictionary that I was using to translate Sith has since been taken down. Any Sith dialogue will now be in bold with brackets like _**[this]**

_Agoge is a wonderful idea I read about in the FF story called "Fought for Him" by AndyHood and can be found_ _ s/12102165/1/Fought-For-Him__. I loved the idea and just had to include it._

* * *

"Patience- a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue."

― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

* * *

**3642 BBY (11 ATC)**

Medria sighed heavily as she got out of the speeder. The event had gone far too long for her liking. She started pulling off her jewelry as soon as her bare feet hit the top step. The bracelets were off and discarded before she reached the door, the gold bangles clattering to the floor and rolling around. It was dark inside, nearly pitch black, but her sith biology helped a little with the darkness, though not as helpful as those who were not of mixed descent. The heavy door closed behind her as she pulled her veil off her head, rings from her fingers and let them all fall to the floor. The necklace was next before she reached up to pull the pins from her hair.

Although it was a formal event, her unwillingness to be there was reflected in her hair, tied up, braided, hidden from view, while all the other women had their hair down or loosely styled. _Spouse hunting indeed._ She thought with a hiss. The traditional, even of spouse hunting, was no more than an excuse for sith men to leer at women and objectify them. Several throughout the night tried to lay claim to her, their clawed fingers digging into the flesh of her arm, some even into her waist and legs. The entire night had her blood boiling. She wasn't even able to dispute the orders from Far'sha to attend because she had yet to claim the title of the head of the house, so the responsibility of marital events fell to the elderly steward.

Medria growled out as she spun on her heel, slamming her fist into the hard stone wall.

_I will have NOTHING._

She shouted in her mind as she slammed her other fist into the stone.

_My privilege is the dirt. _

She slammed her other fist into the wall again.

_There's only my ambition_

She hit again, shock racing up her arm. It hurt, but it spurred her further.

_I am ALONE_

The next hit sent more pain racing. She pulled on it and let it feed her anger.

_I deserve to suffer_

Another hit

_I deserve the pain_

Another

_Everything I face, I must do it_

Another

_ALONE!_

A hand grabbed her, and she spun, pressing the assailant against the wall and gripping their neck tightly. Something shattered.

_Alone. _

"My lord, let go." They said the anger swelled. They knew who she was, and they dared. She tightened her grip more, thirsting for their blood and suffering. However, she didn't feel fear or panic, only concern. "Medria, please."

She might as well had been slapped in the face. She blinked the darkness fleeing. There was a shattered lantern at their feet; the smoke of an extinguished candle still rising. Then she looked up into the concerned dark blue eyes of Quinn. She jumped back, staring at her hands in horror.

"Medria?" He asked quietly, reaching out. She looked at him again. He was in his nightclothes, a robe hastily pulled on, dipped low enough that she could see the pale skin of his chest. But the bright red hand marks were clear around his neck. She did that. Her eyes widened in horror, and she fled up the stairs, ignoring his calls to her. The door to her room slammed shut behind her, and she rushed to the dark corner of the room. It was there she curled up.

_A monster, I'm becoming a monster. _

A knock sounded softly from the door, and she could faintly see a dim light streaming through the crack in the door.

"My Lord, are you alright?" Quinn's soft voice called out. She pressed her head against her arms, ignoring him.

The door creaked open, and suddenly she felt a hand on her arm. She didn't need to open her eyes or look up to know who it was. The rustle of fabric and a sigh he settled himself next to her. He didn't say a word, but he also didn't move away from her, nor did he touch her after he removed his hand.

"The next time I put my hands on you like that, you are to shoot me." She said lowly. His shock resonated through the force. "I won't become a monster, Captain. If there's a chance, I might lose myself, you need to bring me back. I don't care how you do it, but you must never allow me to hurt you, or Vette, or Jaesa. I can't afford to fall into the void." Medria finally looked over at him. One leg was stretched out in front of him while the other was bent, the foot next to the opposite knee. One elbow rested atop the bent knee with the other rested in his lap. The small wrinkle in his forehead appeared a sign he was deep in thought.

"I will do whatever I can to keep you from losing yourself, my lord, but I refuse to hurt you in the process." He said firmly, ignoring the low growl that rose in Medria's throat. He sighed. "Vette explained to me what the event was you attended. I foresaw that your mood would not have been the best when you returned."

"Yet, you were stupid enough to approach?" It was a scathing remark, but Quinn didn't flinch.

"I wanted- I thought it would be best to not leave you to your own devices." he held out his hand to her. Medria's brow raised but slowly placed her hand in his, confused. He pulled out a tube of bacta from his robe and gently put some on the broken skin over her knuckles

She sighed.

"You had called me by my name earlier…"

"I did." he agreed softly, hands still carefully tending to her own.

"Why did you go back to calling me, my lord?"

His hands paused momentarily before resuming.

"I thought it would be more appropriate."

"Ah," she said softly, pausing for only a moment. "I like it when you call me by name."

It was dark in her room, but she could see it clearly. The small smile that fought its way onto his face.

* * *

**Theed, Naboo: 32 BBY (3621 ATC)**

Obi-Wan didn't notice that the sun had begun to rise, as she knelt still at the funeral pyre. Although her knees hurt, and her body was still stiff, she used all the pain to keep her going, fueling her. She could still sense Tremel seated behind her, giving her silent support. Despite all they had been through, he seemed to continuously prove himself as considering her family.

She was quietly stoking the fire, keeping it burning to ensure that the remains were entirely ash when quiet footsteps entered the yard. Obi-Wan kept her head bowed but instead pulled at the fragile bond remains of her training bond with Tremel. Touching the fragile part of her mind hurt, the whiplash from the torn bond with Qui-Gon had done substantial damage, and she was certain that the old man could feel it when she reached out to him.

'_Who is it?'_ She asked him.

'_A palace guard,' _Tremel responded quietly, his body shifting behind her.

"I'm sorry sir, you cannot enter here, this is a place of mourning, the period has not passed." Tremel's voice was strong behind her, protective. Of all the people around her, he understood and honored tradition. She needed to remain at the funeral site for 24 hours, to ensure that Nahut did not steal him away.

"Queen Amidala requests Jedi Kenobi's presence in the throne room." the guard spoke clearly enough for Obi-Wan to hear.

"Then her majesty must come see her for herself, she cannot leave this place yet."

The force flared, and Obi-Wan stiffened. She turned around gently eyes, locking with the guard who had his hand on his blaster. Her eyes drifted over to the old man whose hand was slowly inching towards where he kept his lightsaber hidden.

"Will you truly sully a funeral sight with blood?" Obi-Wan asked gently, glancing between the two men. She sounded calm and serene like a Jedi should, but her blood was boiling, fury ripping at her, something that even Tremel could feel. His hand lowered, and he bowed his head slightly.

"Of course not, child" He responded with the familiarity that informed the guard of a close relationship between the two. Obi-Wan turned to the guard.

"I cannot leave the funeral site yet, as tradition commands. If it is urgent, then her majesty can come here for me. Otherwise, I will see her when the full rotation is completed." Without offering more conversation, Obi-Wan turned back to the pyre and continued her vigil. The guard was uncertain and hovered at the edge of the funeral site for several minutes before giving up and leaving.

"He was quite determined," Tremel spoke up, watching the young man's retreating back.

"He was given a task and was told to return without completing it. He's not like us, but I'm certain he's not looking forward to the consequences of failing." She commented offhandedly before sending a knowing look to the old man. "I certainly remember the fear of returning to you without having completed my mission."

"It never happened, you were quite the acolyte."

"Of course not, I was perfection personified. It didn't keep the fear at bay though, you certainly had a certain… air about you, which made me wary of what would happen if I displeased you." She smiled slightly at him. He was her only support while training, the fear of displeasing him was always accompanied by the fear of making him an enemy.

"You never could upset me. You were my prize, acolyte. You took all my expectations and crumpled them immediately. I couldn't be more proud of you, though I wish you would leave these people."

She smiled and nodded. There was no doubt she surpassed his expectations. They faded back into silence the quiet of the early morning hanging over them. Though they spoke fondly of the past, both of them knew to be careful in an unsecured location. It was comforting, like a balm on the mind for the torn bond.

She felt Tremel leave her side, his presence moving farther away from her, but he wasn't gone long returning with a few items in hand. He sat down next to her setting both objects in front of him.

"Are you ready?" he asked softly. It had been years since she last had to go through this with proper ceremony. She bowed her head and slowly pulled her tabards and tunic off, leaving her chest to only be covered by her chest wrappings. Tremel took out a large wooden spoon and took a large scoop from the ashes on the pyre before disposing them into an empty bowl. Slowly he added water to it until it became a pasty texture. He dipped his fingers into the ashy mixture and turned to her, running the mix into her skin in lose designs. Then slowly, his fingers moved writing out the familiar lines into her back.

_Nwûl tash._

_Dzwol shâsotkun._

_Shâsotjontû châtsatul nu tyûk._

_Tyûkjontû châtsatul nu midwan._

_Midwanjontû châtsatul nu asha._

_Ashajontû kotswinot itsu nuyak._

_Wonoksh Qyâsik nun_

It became a steady rhythm as he slowly added more ashes and water, and her skin became covered. Poetic lines, mantras, and patterns covered her pale skin in a distorted version of wedding decorations. This was death. This was the result of death, how it marred the skin and soul.

Footsteps sounded through the yard, hastening towards their location. Obi-Wan rolled her eyes and slowly pulled on her tunic, ignoring the gasps of surprise behind her. Customs were different everywhere, yet people always seemed surprised when they face one of those differences head-on. She glanced over her shoulder to see Padme and the rest of her entourage.

"Your majesty." Obi-Wan bowed her head, not standing for her.

"Obi-Wan, I wanted to speak with you, but my guard said you wouldn't leave."

"Yes, I'm still in my mourning period. I am expected to remain by my master's side for a full planetary rotation after his funeral."

"Expected? I wasn't aware this was what Jedi did." She whispered, glancing around for one of the other Jedi she met.

"No, these are the traditions of my people. It is to ensure that they are able to move on safely. What is it I can help you with your majesty?" Obi-Wan asked, gesturing to one of the seats nearby. Padme looked mildly uncomfortable before she took a seat.

"We're preparing for the parade, I needed to ensure you attended."

"A parade? When are you planning it for?"

"Later today, actually…"

Obi-Wan's eyebrows shot up to her hairline. Today. If it weren't for the queen's uncomfortable expression, she would think it was a joke.

"Your highness, it hasn't even been a full day since the battle, and you're planning a celebration?"

Tremel stiffened beside her, understanding just how taboo it was.

"Well, yes. That was the plan. It is best to lift my people's spirits quickly."

Obi-Wan couldn't keep her jaw from dropping open. _Dear Force, these people were serious. _

"**[they've lost their minds, disgusting]**"" Tremel bit out, holding his tongue when Obi-Wan raised her shaky hand. Anger, rage, sorrow, grief, Obi-Wan wasn't sure which was consuming her.

"Are you aware of all the mourning traditions a parade would go against? How many people you may offend?" She, herself, was covered in the ashes of the man who was her family; many people were probably still burying their dead or searching for their loved ones, trying to pick their lives back up. Obi-Wan sighed. _Things used to be so simple_.

* * *

Obi-Wan was disgusted. She had hoped that she had swayed the young queen, but instead, she had to speed up the ceremony to attend the midday parade. Everyone was joyous, cheering, and celebrating a victory while she wore white, and her hair was cut. She bore the ashy remains of her master under her white mourning robes, and his name in the ashes painted onto her white scarf.

All of the victories. All of the battles and wars. She had never experienced a victory such as this. Ashes were still in the air, and people threw flower petals. There had been a time when the mourning period was respected and upheld. Victories had to wait a few days before celebrated to ensure the dead were respected and the lost were found. Even in wartimes, the dead were never as scorned as now. The crowd who lost their homes, their families, their lifestyles were celebrating, and joyous.

It was disgusting.

She held on tightly to Anakin's hand, keeping the child close to her as they proceed to the steps of the palace. To her relief, the boy was somber as well, griefing in his own way, the loss of her master. Though he mourned, he was no more compliant to her in the morning, proving to be a stubborn and willful child. It took her nearly an hour just to convince him to let her cut his hair in a padawan cut. He had been quite moody after the fact, but when she explained the braid to him, he simmered down, playing lightly with the short braid that faded from blonde to copper to brunette.

When they finally reached the top steps leading to the palace, she knelt down in front of him so she could easily look at him in the eyes.

"Alright, you'll need to stay close to me today, one step to the right and one step behind. Stand tall, keep your hands to your sides. This is all in ceremony. People will be watching, but I'll be right here. If you have a question, ask me, I will answer, but we must maintain composure." She said softly, adjusting his new uniform. The council most likely could hear her from the other side of the steps, but she didn't care. She tapped his chin momentarily as she forced a smile and straightened to face the crowd. It was uncomfortable for her to stand before them all, but the attention was not something she was unused to, but rather something she didn't appreciate.

Unlike the other Jedi, they stood to the young queen's right side, with family and noble members of Naboo. It was a position of being honored. Many had already begun to call them war heroes, to her displeasure. It was all fanfare. But Obi-Wan maintained her straight face with ease. She glanced at Anakin and offered a smile again. The child was frightened, his nerves flaring in the force. She reached to the calm part of her mind, and amplified it, sending it towards him in waves. It didn't take right away, but slowly the boy grew relaxed and confident.

Governor Bibble handed the globe of peace to the young queen who, in turn, handed it to Boss Nass. The Gungan held up the globe of peace for all to see, and it shown with radiant light.

Internally Obi-Wan scoffed, peace. She knew already that this peace on Naboo would not last. It never did. It was for that reason why peace is a lie.

The entire experience was numbing. Everyone was all smiles, and she was there, wearing her mask.

"Master Jedi," The Queen spoke loudly. Obi-Wan turned, giving the young queen her attention. "Thank you for saving us. Your skills and sacrifice has honored us and saved us all."

Obi-Wan bit the inside of her cheek as she bowed

"The Jedi serve the republic, we do not seek recognition." Obi-Wan intoned, remembering the line she had heard Qui-Gon repeat time after time. In her mind, however, she saw Corellia, citizens on their knees before her, recognition, honor, power. She pushed it all down, deep to the recesses of her mind. She couldn't afford to think of those times, not now. Not with the council right there, not with the child by her side, and certainly not while thousands of eyes were on her. An electric feeling rushed up her spine as something brushed against her mental shields. She stiffened in her bow, mentally grabbing the perpetrator. She glanced out to the crowd feeling along the bond that the feeling came from and met the eyes of the old overseer.

_Damn the old man. _She cursed as she noticed a few concerned looks from the other Jedi.

The overseer's hands moved quickly unnoticed by anyone but her in a steady stream of information. _**2000 hands arrived on Naboo. When Jedi leave, 200 sensitives will arrive. Stay safe. Stay quiet.**_

Obi-Wan signaled her understanding

…

The hardest part after the parade was not reacting. The celebrations were wild, untamed by grief or loss. Liquor flowed easily throughout the night, and people danced without inhibitions. But it also meant tongues moved without inhibitions. Obi-Wan returned to the pyre site as soon as she could, leaving Anakin in the hands of the queen's maids. But that hardly meant she was alone. Her knees were far past hurt from kneeling for so long, but that didn't mean she was about to stop anytime soon. The old man would have joined her if she had let him, but there were 2000 hands that he had to monitor, which included joining in with the natives who were trying to find their loved one under the rubble.

But she was far from alone, several people wandered into the site, the smell of liquor clinging to them. She ignored them. If she reacted, the Jedi would surely not be pleased with her. Instead, she sighed and offered another bow to the pyre.

_I will not kill them_ she thought forcefully as they neared her

"Pretty girl, look so nice on your knees like that." One man commented, his sweaty hand rubbing her cheek. Her hands clenched over her knees. Then the white scarf was pulled off her head. Her pulse pounded loudly in her ears, crying out for blood.

"Why are you here pretty girl, why don't you come with us we can show you a real good time." another said loudly in her ear, his hands rubbing her back. She couldn't react, though. Not only would the Jedi expect non-violence, but blood could not be spilled at a funeral site. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to push her mind to some other place. To her ship, with her little rag-tag family. Or sitting together in front of the holo, watching some sappy show curled up under a blanket.

"I'll kill you all if you don't leave right now." a familiar voice spoke up. She sucked in a breath. He couldn't be here. He shouldn't be here.

"Who'r' you?" one of the drunken men mumbled.

"Someone who has no qualms sticking a blade through you for just being near this place and her." the voice said again. Obi-Wan smiled. So protective, and so well-timed. She could feel the men leave before someone knelt next to her. The quiet hung between them in the dark night with only the crackling of the small fire making any noise. His presence touched her's softly in a comforting type of manner.

"They shouldn't have bothered you." He said softly, the _I'm sorry_ left unspoken but understood between the two of them. _Emotionally constipated_ was the term that immediately came to mind.

"Thank you for intervening." She said just as softly. She didn't need to look at him to know he was grieving, too, but she couldn't help the small smile tugging at her lips. "If the council knew you were here-"

"Then they could bite me. The old man and I haven't been on good terms but-"

"He was still your master." She finished for him.

"Yeah."

Painfully she shifted her position, moving from her knees to sit cross-legged. Pained groans escaped her lips as the skin was sure to be bruised and was most certainly starting to swell. She often knelt for meditation, going for hours without movement, but the lack of cushion under her was most certainly felt.

"I could never live up to you, you know." She started softly staring into the fire. "In everything, I was in competition with you. When I practiced my saber, I was either '_too timid to be any good at it unlike-' _or I was '_too aggressive, just like-.' _I resented you for quite some time because of it. I lived under this great dark shadow that no matter what, I couldn't escape. I think he was constantly stuck in the circle surrounding you, caught in your orbit. He loved you. Every time I was praised or punished, you were in his thoughts."

"He loved you, too."

"I don't think he did." Obi-Wan sighed, eyes wetting without her permission, much to her agitation. "He repudiated me, you know."

"What?" his voice raised an octave, and she felt him move closer to her.

"Hmm… three times. The first during the Melida/Dann debacle. The second after New Apsolon, just after Master Tahl… He blamed me."

"And the third?"

"Just a few days ago, in front of the council. He wanted to train someone else. I was going to take my leave of the Jedi, spend my full efforts of the alliance. Immerse myself in the force. My most valuable belongings are in the ship we came in. Do you know what his last words were, Xan?"She paused. And then finally turned to face him. His pale face was aglow from the firelight, and the scar on his cheek standing out as always. "_Obi-Wan promise me, promise me you'll train the boy. Promise me. He is the chosen one, he will bring balance'_. That's the last thing he said to me."

Xanatos cursed loudly before throwing his arms around her. "He's an idiot who didn't deserve you."

Obi-Wan stiffened in his arms before giving a laugh and patting his back. "It's no less than I deserve. If he ever found out about me, what do you think he would do? Would he truly spare me? Or would he turn his saber to me the second he found out."

"So now you're not only _not_ leaving, but you're training a little padawan yourself? How are you going to manage now?"

"My apprentice was a Jedi Padawan before she became mine, she had taught me much of the Jedi philosophy, and how they trained their young. I've managed this long-acting as a perfect Jedi, what's a while longer. The child needs me, I'm not about to let the Jedi dogs consume him." She glanced over her shoulder at the mass of silky black hair. Part of her was amazed that the man was a grown-up at all, considering he often acted like a child or moody teenager. "Enough about me, though, Xan, how is training going?"

The older man groaned loudly and dislodged himself from her to dramatically slump to the ground.

"Let me tell ya, that old fart is such a pain in the ass." He started, dark blue eyes closed and scared cheek standing out in contrast to the shadows the fire cast on his face. "I thought Qui was a dick while training, the old fart is seriously trying to kill me. He took me to the old world and said if I get through the tomb, I'm good enough for '_proper training.'_ There were these bugs that tried to _EAT_ me."

Obi-Wan smiled as he started to ramble on about the training that Tremel was putting him through. While most force users of their alliance chose to either keep to the light or start touching the gray, Xanatos was the first to step forward and declared he wanted Sith training. He was determined to become a sith lord. But, the Jedi taught with a gentle hand and guided their pupils. Sith were not as forgiving in their ways. She spent a good half of her initiate and padawan years waiting for the blows to start and was quite paranoid about it for some time. Xanatos was far from used to the same sense of foreboding that came with every lesson. So she sat next to him, tending to the funeral fire for her Jedi Master, listening as Xanatos talked about his path to the darkness with a fond smile.

Tonight, she wasn't Obi-Wan Kenobi, she'd be here in the morning, but for tonight she would simply be herself, no mask, no facade, just her.

* * *

**Jedi Temple, Coruscant: 32 BBY (3621 ATC)**

It was certainly a new experience for Obi-Wan. While she had watched the crèche plenty of times, she even watched over Anakin on their first descent to the city-planet. However, this was the first time she was solely responsible for a Jedi child. There was no fetching a master if he got out of hand. If he acted up, _she _would be judged, _she_ would be the one fetched. The eyes of the council did not soothe her nerves.

She couldn't lie, the flight back to Coruscant was a long one, spent mostly in seclusion to avoid the masters. The entire time Anakin was bouncing around with excitement, dismantling several of the mouse droids around the ship and putting them back together again. While she found the entire thing endearing, most of the crew and passengers did not agree. He also asked a million questions a minute, all of which Obi-Wan patiently answered to the best of her abilities. She joked with one of the crew members, who didn't seem to mind the child that his rapid-fire questions were giving her whiplash moving so quickly from subject to subject before darting off to play with droids. Although things became tenser as they left the ship and boarded the shuttle. The space was more confined, rows of seating instead of cabins, and all the Jedi who were on Naboo were in close vicinity, watching her every move with a close eye.

"Anakin, sit still," She admonished, though her tone was light. There was already a fondness for the restless child next to her who squirmed in his seat as the shuttle neared the temple district.

"But, Obi, I'm too excited!" Anakin cheered, pressing his face to the glass window. She shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. He had begged when they arrived on the shuttle to be allowed to fly and was sorely disappointed that he was not old enough to have his flying license on coruscant despite being the youngest pod racer in history. However, he bounced back immediately, playing 'I spy' games as they traveled. "Hey Obi, are we gonna go to that food place you were talkin 'bout last time? Can we? Please!" the child begged, and Obi-Wan couldn't help but smile indulgently, ignoring the looks the other Jedi on the ship were giving them.

"I suppose we can tonight, it'll be a special treat because we'll be moving you in. But don't expect to go there every night, alright."

"Yippee!" the child cheered loudly, giving her a big hug in his excitement.

"Oh, honestly, sit down and put your buckle on we'll be landing soon."

The boy plopped down in his seat and scrambled to put on the buckle as he started rambling on about how different ships had different landing systems. His endless chatter put her in the sense of ease and familiarity. It felt like not so long ago she had a little bird who would never stop chirping away in her ear, just like Anakin. She couldn't help but smile at him and pet his head lovingly.

"Now, when we get there, we need to see the quartermaster. They'll give us some supplies for you, new clothes, a cloak, bedding, and the like." Obi-Wan told him, checking his seatbelt, just in case, it was loose.

"Then, I get my laser-sword, right!" He asked bouncing in his seat again.

"They're called lightsabers, and no, not yet. You still need to be a bit bigger until you can have one." She paused, watching as his face dropped. "However, I believe you're old enough to have a training saber, but there are rules that come with that."

"Yippee!" He cheered again.

"Attention passengers, please take your seats, we will be landing momentarily" the captain's voice spoke clearly over the overhead system. Obi-Wan thanked the force, both she and her overly energetic apprentice needed more space than the shuttle provided.

…

If there was one thing Obi-Wan was familiar with, it was force visions. While she had experienced a few before the Jedi found her, they were not as uncomfortably frequent as they were _after_ the Jedi found her.

Before she would have a few, maybe one or two a year, or if something big and imminent. The force was kind enough to wait until she was in meditation, which meant she was alone. After the Jedi found her, the same could not be said. Her childhood was filled with nightmares and confusion. When she remembered, things were much easier to understand, but not any easier to handle. The initiate years were filled with visions happening at the most random and inopportune times. The strength of her visions had scared away quite many masters, and it didn't even speak of the frequency. Actual visions happened several times a month, where force visions that were more of a feeling happened several times a week.

The unpredictableness of the visions were a constant struggle, so when she went from standing in her room to standing looking over the galaxy, she could only sigh frustrated. Resistance was futile. Then with speed, she would dare say was faster than lightspeed she was forced in front of a familiar planet.

_Home. It was home. Tall trees hanging overhead, dirt, and stone underfoot. In the distance was the stone wall surrounding the family compound. The humid, warm air was a comfort she hadn't felt in years. Home, this was home. She felt herself go to take a step forward._

"_Master?" a young man's voice spoke, and she turned to face it. He was tall, standing an easy head higher than her. Tussled dirty blonde hair hung in curls that immediately drew attention to warm blue eyes. "Master?" he asked again._

"_I'm fine, Anakin, I was lost in thought, where were we again?" her voice answered immediately. Anakin, the young man, was Anakin._

"_Cody took a platoon to investigate the area to look for supplies to get us off this planet, Rex took two squads to try to get some food for us in the meantime-"_

And suddenly she was standing back in her room, utterly confused and heart aching more than it had in years. For a few minutes, she had been warm, the comfort of warm, humid air soaking into her bones, but now she couldn't help but feel frigid. The suddenness of the planetary cooling system biting at her skin. She shivered and grabbed a warm throw blanket she kept in her room. It was late, blessedly so. The cron said it was well past midnight. She quietly left her room and softly palmed the door to Anakin's open. Anakin was in the middle of the floor, droid parts surrounding him, fast asleep sitting upright. It was an adorable sight that warmed her heart. She stepped into the room, and gingerly scooped him into her arms before moving him to his new bed. Extra care was taken into tucking him in, brushing a hand over his soft hair, and pushing his tiny braid over his shoulder. She barely knew this child, he was just a little slave boy a few days ago, and now he was hers to take care of her child.

Her child

He wasn't her blood. He wasn't her family. He wasn't Brae. A part of her wanted to embrace him as hers, though, despite the fact all eyes would be on her. She didn't want to care that she wasn't supposed to show those emotions. Because maybe, just maybe, this silly child could fill that hole in her heart, if only for a short while.

"The council has received an interesting report," Mace said as soon as the door opened. The young master stared at him wide-eyed with one hand on the door, and the other hand holding her hair up.

"Let me tell you about it." He continued and walked past her into the small dining area. He could see the girl's throat constrict as she swallowed heavily.

"Of course Master Windu, please have a seat, I'll be just a moment." she agreed quickly and disappeared down the hall that lead to the bedrooms. He sat down at the small square dining table and glanced around. Everything that once said that Qui-Gon lived there was gone. The shelves that adorned the walls were bare, save for a small tapestry that hung as a decoration. Far more interesting was how hot the room was. Mace was nearly tempted to shrug out of his robe from the heat enveloping him. Perhaps Kenobi had changed the temperature for the child.

"What happened, Master Windu?" Her voice rose from the hallway. He turned and saw her coming out of what he assumed was her room, as her hands finished tying her hair up in a scarf, leaving a few wavy strands of strawberry gold hair hanging in view. She walked towards him and sat down at the table across from him.

"21 fights so far, sending no less than 12 younglings to the halls of healing. Two of his teachers have dismissed him from their classrooms and have petitioned that he not be allowed to attend their classes again. And one padawan assistant has quit and named Anakin as the reason she did." Mace read the report. Halfway through the report, the young master covered her face with one hand and closed her eyes.

"-Gonna be the death of me" He heard her mumble before she looked at him. "The child is just trying to adjust, Master Windu. He was a slave all his life he's just trying to… trying to adjust to the sudden change."

"Then you need to help him adjust quickly. Kenobi, you must understand how important this child is. If your master was right, then he needs our full attention. And if you are incapable of training him, then the council _will_ intervene and approve of a master more fit." he sighed and watched as Kenobi's jaw clenched, trying to reign in a temper that few knew of, that he only knew of from stories Qui-Gon had told. Her eyes started to gloss over in a way that spoke of demons that others didn't know about and a haunted past. He recognized it as the same look she had when Qui-Gon announced that he repudiated her. She already lost so much. "You've been reckless, Kenobi, and overindulgent. If you don't make yourself more acceptable, the council will take him away."

Her eyes cleared and hardened as she stared at him. This was _not_ the eyes of the quiet Obi-Wan Kenobi. Not that anyone would believe him if he told them that there was someone who looked like Kenobi, spoke like Kenobi, but wasn't Kenobi. She straightened in her seat arms, resting delicately on the table. This was a look that he had only seen during negotiations with dignitaries. The room was hot, he knew the room was hot, yet now a very cold feeling was creeping its way down his spine.

"I won't let the opportunity present itself." She said, overly calm. "I'll correct my method of training Master Windu. The council's intervention is unnecessary."

"Make sure it stays that way, the council will be watching you." He said as he stood.

It was still true that one never forgets their first. Medria remembered her first crush, at the young age of 11. She remembered her first kill, a vine kat that irritated her just a tad too much when she was 9. Her first Sith teacher was teacher Droles. Her first kiss had been stolen by a boy at the junior academy, who she then made her first sentient kill. Her first time for nearly everything else was a gift from Quinn, and she would treasure those memories most of all. As Obi-Wan, her first kill was a droid of all things, though she was sure to act surprised yet thrilled that she managed it. That was followed shortly by a beast and her first sentient during the Melida/Daan campaign. Her first kiss was to Sedyn of Manalore, a young duke who she had to protect from his own people. Just as she remembered all of her firsts, she remembered Wa'keen, an elder Jedi master who did not think that anyone as young as she should have a pupil, let alone train the supposed chosen one.

Wa'keen was a spiteful, pitiful man, and to the depths of Obi-Wan's soul, she hated him. She was sure if he stopped looking down that huge nose of his and saw what was truly in front of him, he would not have made the mistake he did when he challenged her to Agoge. He introduced Agoge as an ancient Jedi tradition. As it turned out the tradition was quite similar to Sith traditions and called for her to be challenged to individual combat against another to prove her worth, while it wasn't just for sheer strength like many of the sith did, this was for the right to train a pupil, and the winner got the pupil.

He explained it all as he lead her to one of the training arenas that was prepared for such an event, and to her surprise, there were quite a few people there in attendance, including the whole of the council. She smiled at him and agreed to his little test.

Obi-Wan quickly realized that although he was about the same age as her elderly master, and built quite the same, Wa'keen was a formidable opponent. For the first time in years, she was actually worried about the outcome of a duel. In fact, at one point, she was certain she would not survive the fight and would lose Anakin. She laid on her stomach at the far end of the arena after Wa'keen threw her there. At least 4 ribs were broken. She could hardly breathe. Blood dripped onto the mat below her, though she couldn't tell where she was bleeding. If she pulled from the dark, she could do it. If she had two blades, she certainly could do it. But it wasn't enough. Then she heard a small whisper in her ear.

"Get up Nathema, you've never been one to surrender quickly to an enemy."

She glanced over and saw the faint appearance of the old Jedi grandmaster. "Master Shan?" she whispered, more confused than anything. Out of everyone, the grandmaster wouldn't have stuck around, and certainly not to help her.

"Get up, Nathema, unless you want to lose your Padawan," Satele whispered, but her voice was louder than every shout that told her to stay down. She nodded. Obi-Wan was down. But Medira stood up. Summoned her saber to her, and continued the fight. The tide had turned, and she was victorious. She stood over the older Jedi, panting heavily.

"Solah," Wa'keen shouted, staying the lightsaber by inches. "Solah, I concede the battle."

"Don't challenge me again." She whispered to him before disengaging her lightsaber and limping away to go to the healers. Wa'keen was her first, but certainly not her last.

* * *

**31 BBY (3622 ATC)**

"Come on, Anakin, you've got this," Obi-Wan encouraged as Anakin paddled to her, arms pushing at the water as his legs steadily kicked. They had made use of one of the outdoor pools in the temple, one of the more quiet ones. She had learned a few months prior that her little apprentice didn't know how to swim. Immediately she procured swim trunks from the quartermaster and set to getting him in the water. Surprisingly, it wasn't difficult to get the child in; he was fascinated by the amount of water he and access to and enjoyed splashing in it. However, her apprentice was not a fan of the deeper water; anytime the water came up to his chest, he was abandoning the lesson and scrambling out of the water and away from her. It took him a while to get used to deeper waters, so she stayed, as always, just deep enough that he'd be able to touch the bottom if he needed.

He reached her and gripped her arms tightly, smiling brightly at his success.

"I"m so proud of you," She whispered, sending the warmth of her pride and joy through their bond so it shone like a star in the force. She lead him back to the stairs and ordered him out of the water. Then with him watching her carefully, she moved to the deeper part of the pool, bouncing on the balls of her feet as the water came up to her shoulders. Anakin followed from the outside but slowly edged farther away from the edge.

"Okay, Anakin, jump in."

"Nuh-uh." His eyes grew wide, and he backed further away.

"Come on, you've got this."

"I'll drown."

"You won't drown. Trust me." his arms crossed over his chest, and he shook his head fervently. "Anakin, you need to trust me," she repeated, holding her arms out to him. No matter how many times she said that throughout the weeks, he always responded with the same wide-eyed, trembling fear.

"No, I'm not jumping."

"Anakin, jump to me."

"NO," his little foot stomped. Obi-Wan already knew they were causing a scene in public, but the understanding glances from some of the masters in the area kept her going. In all honesty, it didn't seem like too long ago she was being (re)taught how to swim herself along with her initiate clan.

"Ani, I know you're scared. You're from Tatooine, it's understandable. But we practiced for this, and I'm right here, I won't let anything happen to you."

He hesitated, shifting his weight from one leg to another before launching himself at her with his eyes shut tightly. She wrapped the force around him, navigating his fall into her arms. Water splashed everywhere, and Anakin sputtered. When everything settled, Obi-Wan was beaming at him as he slowly blinked, water droplets dripping from his long lashes.

"You did it!"

It took a moment for it to register, and suddenly he looked elated. Some of the people around the area started to cheer for him, especially the masters who had seemed so understanding. His legs started kicking, keeping him bobbing up and down.

"I did it! I did it, Master!" He cheered, hugging her tightly around the neck "I'm gonna go again."

In a flash, he paddled over to the edge of the pool, pulling himself out, before launching back at her with a gleeful shriek as he hit the water again.

One thing Garen learned quickly growing up, was that even though Obi could be scary, she had the patience of a saint. Yes, there were times that at the drop of a hat, she could explode in anger, and if she sparred with anyone, she would beat them to a pulp. But each time one could call it justified. He was certain there were things she hid from everyone, including the many nightmares that plagued her nearly nightly growing up, or all the times she'd disappear for a few hours when no one else seemed to notice.

But he never questioned her, because she never gave him a reason to distrust her. In fact, it was quite the opposite. She proved that she trusted him when she came to him and their friends and asked them for their help. The council was sending her on a mission, a long one, and her little padawan was going to be left alone.

"I can't trust anyone else here." She had said softly before explaining the numerous Agoge she fought in. They were the ones she trusted to not try to take him away from her. So he, Bant, and even Quinlan agreed to help take turns watching the boy.

He and Bant went with her when she went to her rooms to pack and explain to the boy.

"Anakin, come here for a second," she called out to him when they entered the dining room. The little boy popped out of his room with his face covered in mechanical grease.

"Yes, Master?" He asked, glancing at him and Bant with uncertainty. He was a handsome boy.

"Anakin, I wanted to introduce you to my friends. This is Garen Muln and Bant Eerin." Anakin stared at them for a moment before bowing and greeting them softly. Slowly he came closer to his master and gripped the corner of her tunic with one small fist.

"Ani, my friends, are going to be looking after you for a while, so you need to behave for them."

"What do you mean master? Why do they need to watch me?" he asked, staring up at her with wide blue eyes.

"The council is sending me off on a solo mission. They're going to take care of you so you won't have to move in with another master while I'm gone," she said softly, kneeling in front of him to look at him even in the eyes.

"I'll come with you." He agreed and smiled.

"You can't come with me, but Garen and Bant will keep you company until I return."

The child's angelic face skewed in fury and suddenly, Garen realized just why the council was watching them so closely. Obi-Wan's apprentice had an ugly temper, and such anger was unseemly in the Jedi.

"Why can't I come! I'm big enough to fight! I'm the chosen one I can do whatever you can even better. You keep holding me back."

"Because you're still a child, and it's too dangerous for you. Once you are better trained, I'll take you with me, but not now."

The child screamed loudly in her face before shouting, "I hate you" and running into his room slamming the door shut behind him. Obi-Wan knelt on the floor for a few seconds breathing deep, calming breaths.

"I should be gone for only three weeks. If you could make sure he's eating at least three meals a day, doing his homework, and keeping up with his meditation, that would be much appreciated." She said softly, brushing at her pants. "If you give me a moment, I need to pack my travel bag, the ship is already waiting for me." She disappeared down the hall into her room.

He glanced at Bant, who shrugged, and after a minute of silence, Obi was coming out of her room with a small bag over her shoulder. She paused at the child's room but left shaking her head.

"Thank you, both of you." She whispered, pulling them both in a hug.

"May the force be with you, Obi," Bant whispered back.

"Stay safe, Obi." Garen replied. Obi smiled, and then she was out the door, leaving the two of them with the little terror.

It was Master Garen's voice that woke Anakin up. For the three weeks, Masters Bant and Garen babysat him. It was only supposed to be those three weeks, but then Obi-Wan didn't come back. The next two weeks Master Vos (he said to call him Quin, but Anakin wasn't about to do that) watched him too. Then for the following week and a half, it was just Master Garen.

It was strange that it was Master Garen's voice that woke him up. He was always quite after Anakin went to bed, he might snore, or watch the flatscreen, but other than that he didn't talk loudly.

Anakin rubbed his eyes and tried to figure out why Master Garen was so loud.

"-to the halls of healing."

Anakin straightened. Whoever Master Garen was talking to was hurt. He slipped out of his bed as quietly as he could when he heard a voice croak.

"I'm fine, just let me sit."

"You're not fine, if Anakin sees you like this he'll have nightmares."

"Then, lower. Your. Kriffing. Voice."

There was no mistaking it. Anakin crept towards his door and opened it a crack. Light flooded into the room as he peered down the hall. From his viewpoint, he could see the dining table. His master was sitting on one of the chairs, her back to him. Her hair was a mess, the braid was falling apart with dirt and twigs stuck to the hairs. Master Garen was kneeling next to her looking worried.

"What happened?" Master Garen asked, holding bacta out to Obi-Wan.

"The usual, and then worse," she responded dully.

"Tilt your head."

Obi-Wan's head moved to the side, and Anakin's heart nearly froze. Her normally pale skin was shades of black and blue, dried blood stained the area around her temple and into her hairline.

"You really should go to the halls of healing. Was it the visions again?" Master Garen asked as he inspected her face. She nodded slowly before she leaned forward until her forehead rested on Master Garen's shoulder.

"What did you see?"

"Choices. A dark endless hunger, millions of faces all the same, destruction. A future I hope never comes to pass." She said so softly that Anakin strained to hear.

"You need to be more careful. You shouldn't go on missions alone, the council should know this. The visions are too much for you. One day, they'll kill you."

"I'm fine, Gar, I won't always be alone, I just need to make sure I open myself up to visions _before_ I go on a vision so that it's less likely to occur." she sighed. "I just need to- need to-"

To Anakin's horror, she tipped to the side and only avoided crashing to the floor because of Master Garen's strong arms and quick reflexes. Suddenly Master Garen was carrying her out the door limp.

Anakin.

Force knew she loved the child, but there were times she wanted nothing more than to strangle him. Somehow saying his name made her tired, she couldn't help but draw it out with a sigh as she pinched the bridge of her nose. He lived to throw her off balance. Or at least to see how soon and how many gray hairs he could give her.

It was no different when she opened the door in the middle of pulling her hair up in a bun, half asleep and still recovering from the mission she just got back from, to see Master Windu with an iron grip on her apprentice's shoulder.

"Anakin."

It is 0900. She had only gotten back from her debriefing two hours ago and hadn't slept in days. Her hand found the bridge of her nose as she stepped aside, allowing the korun master to march her apprentice in. She shut the door behind the two and moved straight to the kitchen, putting the kettle on. She leaned against the counter, resting her arms on the stone, eyes half-open. All she could think about was how it was too early to deal with whatever it was. Windu, Master Windu, was glaring down at her, even as she pulled three mugs from the cabinet and set them down.

"Kenobi, are you going to ask why I'm here?" Windu asked, still gripping the slouching Anakin. She briefly touched their bond, feeling his fear and shame. She waited a moment as if letting his words sink in before she responded,

"No. I'm going to make us tea, sit us down, and wake up before even attempting to hold a conversation that may need to lead to punishment. I just got back from a month-long mission and hadn't rested properly in weeks. Until I'm in the proper state of awareness, and you've calmed down, we can enjoy the silence. Now, make yourself at home."

Brazen, some might call her, but Windu knew better. She was exhausted. Although Obi-Wan wasn't vain, she never had much of a reason to be; she knew when she didn't look good. Circles were under her eyes, and her hair was a nest on her head. Windu huffed, and pulled out a chair at the table, sitting down with such force Obi-Wan wondered if he was channeling his anger through it. Anakin didn't waste the second that the council member let go of his shoulder he darted away, scrambling into his chair at the dining table. Obi-Wan gave a silent jaw-popping yawn just as the kettle began to whistle. She was quick to pull it off and take it to the table, pouring three mugs of it.

Anakin stared at it, refusing to touch it as his master and the council member sipped at theirs. Obi-Wan couldn't decide if she was enjoying the tea and the quiet or the fact that the longer it took for her to say something, the more Anakin squirmed in his seat. Finally, she set her mug down and faced him fully.

"So, Anakin, would you like to tell me why Master Windu escorted you here?"

He didn't meet her eyes as he shook his head. Their bond screamed anger, embarrassment, and curiously enough, success.

She raised her eyebrow before turning to Master Windu.

"So, what happened?"

"You're Padawan, decided to take a speedy tour of the room of a thousand fountains naked." The council member responded dryly. Obi-Wan had to bite her cheek and raise her mug to hide the amused smile rising on her lips.

Victory indeed, she thought. It was a long-held tradition for padawans to dare the new ones to streek through the meditation room. Although she would have thought her apprentice done it months ago. She, herself, had done it when she returned from Bandomeer as Qui-Gon's apprentice. Bant, Garen, Reeft, Siri, and Quinlan were all there waiting with robes to help her avoid the authorities. She wasn't alone though, most escape notice, unlike her unfortunate apprentice, and from the stories she heard, her master Qui-Gon.

The vein on Master Windu's temple pulsed, a sign that it wasn't over.

"He proceeded to flee from masters through the halls before I managed to apprehend him in front of a group of younglings."

"Anakin." she sighed heavily, casting a momentary glance at her Padawan. Never run from the masters, they will catch you, it was the unspoken law of the Jedi. "Thank you, Master Windu. I will handle him."

He nodded and left. Obi-Wan sat still, hand covering her mouth for a long minute until she finally spoke up.

"So, who dared you?"

"Wha-? How did you-" Anakin sputtered.

"I was a Padawan as well, I doubt Master Windu is old enough to forget, but we've all done it once we've been chosen as a padawan, even I have. Although most of us get away with it, you're not as subtle. You're the first actually to get caught since Qui-Gon, I believe."

It was then she lost it, peels of laughter rose in the room as Anakin turned a brighter shade of red. His embarrassment was more than enough of a punishment.

A/N: Hey yeah the chapter is over but there is a poll up on my profile. Go ahead and vote for what you want to see more of in this story.


	5. Absence

Chapter 5: Absence

A/N: I will be using one particular translated Sith word that I used in the prequel of this story 'Face of the Sith.' The word is Jaarvek, which is Sith for father.

* * *

‟Stupid dreams. Even the good ones are bad because they remind you how poorly reality measures up."

― Neal Shusterman, Unwind

* * *

3636 BBY (17ATC)

Waking up was… unexpected. When the bright light flared, Medria was certain that was the end. She had all but a moment to send a prayer to beg for her family's safety. She had sealed herself with the knowledge that her sacrifice was saving the lives of everyone who was escaping.

But then she woke up.

Her stomach turned, and she sighed painfully as she fought the urge to let her stomach release whatever contents were there. It was obviously long enough since she was knocked out that she hadn't had a chance to get a new dose of medicine to calm her sickness. She took slow deep breaths as she sat up, legs swinging over the side. '_I will not throw up,' _she thought Forcefully. It took a few moments, but the feeling passed, and she finally opened her eyes and glanced down.

This was not her bed.

Her bed was, while not extravagant, much nicer with soft blue sheets with a genomic pattern in a slightly darker shade. But what she sat on was a plain white bed that had little to it. It was small, the mattress shallow, and the more aware she became, the more she realized it was little more than a metal slab. Her eyes shot to her wrists and landed on Force binders. Medria took a deep breath and looked up at the guard standing near her. Then her senses picked up movement from her peripheral vision. She glanced over as a man walked towards her with half his face covered in a mask.

"You've awakened. I trust you can walk." her captor said calmly. She cursed herself mentally for having not noticed sooner. She remained silent and sat as straight as she could. This man would get _nothing_ from her.

"Silence is perfectly acceptable, but it will not help you here. You're in the heart of our empire now." His calmness was irritating. "Come now." He nodded to the guard next and turned away. The guard moved towards her, poked her with their rifle, and gestured for her to get up. She struggled to do so for a moment, her stomach rolling uncomfortably. Binders or not, her hand immediately fell to her stomach as she stood.

Her captor walked on ahead, and with the guard, she had no choice but to follow him down the hallway. Curious as always, she glanced into each room they passed. Perhaps one led to an exit or housed other survivors. Then Nikholas appeared, also cuffed and escorted by guards.

Her heart cried in relief, even is she didn't show it outwardly. Nikholas was alive. And by the way, he marched right into her captor's space and stared down at him, he was nothing but angry.

"What _empire_ have we entered?" He growled.

"The Eternal Empire, Zakuul." their captor didn't skip a beat and seemed less than intimidated by Nikholas' size. Then he turned on heel and started walking away. "You didn't even know whose territory you were invading?" he asked smugly. Turning back to face them.

"What do you hope to achieve by taking us, prisoner?" Nikholas asked, straight to the point. She leaned back, rocking onto her heel as she watched the interaction. For now, he was speaking as a council member of the dark council, there was no purpose for her to speak.

"I have questions. You will provide the answers."

"We will tell you nothing," Nikholas growled, but it was a silent approval of her silence.

"You won't have to speak to give me the answers I need."

The threat hung in the air as he turned and walked away. They had no choice but to follow as the guards ushered them to move. We were forced onto an attached shuttle, which blocked off all possible exits. She stood next to Nikholas on the shuttle, and despite the guards, she glanced up at him.

"**[Nikholas, what are we to do?]**" she asked quietly, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. One of the guards looked to them curiously, but Sith was kept tightly to those raised with the pureblood. Nikholas was the only other one in the shuttle who would know the language simply because she had taught him.

"**[We wait, and see what happens.]**" He whispered back in kind.

"**[my family.]**" She said slowly.

"**[Will see you again. I promised that Captain of yours after all.]**"He whispered, his eyes dropping to her stomach. She nodded and thanked him quietly before falling quiet once more.

"It sounds like you found your voice," their captor spoke up, and she was sure that from the squint of his eye, he was smirking under the half mask. She clenched her jaw and refused to speak a word. "And it is lost again, _such_ a shame."

Medria pulled on her mas of self-assurance and pride. It fit perfectly on her face. This time, she would take the lead role. The shuttle rocked as it attached to the docking bay. Their captor moved to the door, and she followed him closely. When they exited the shuttle, there were dozens of new guards, these ones armed with blue lightsabers.

"We recovered the records from your ship's computers. Or what was left off them. Fascinating reading. You Sith are apparently quite formidable," he spoke as if he were trying to make light conversation over tea. "There was quite a lack of information on you, but there were some fascinating documents on you. To alter the course of galactic events as you have… quite impressive"

Medria couldn't tell if he was serious or mocking her. She glared at him but remained silent. Seeming to have finally annoyed him with her lack of voice her glared at her with golden eyes. He stopped walking and stepped right into her personal space, staring down at her the same way Nikholas did to him earlier.

"I hope you find your voice soon. You will need it." He warned her. Then a stranger walked up to them and bowed.

"Prince Arcann." And finally, their captor had a name. Arcann. A prince at that.

"Heskal. Still waiting for the catastrophe that you and your Scions foretold," He mocked. Medria smirked. Trouble in paradise, it seemed.

"You may close your ears to the whispers of fate, my prince, but they cannot be silenced." the soothsayer calmly replied. By the sounds of it, he was a priest of some kind. Glancing at both the clothing of the priest and prince, the confusion arose. She recognized those symbols from… somewhere.

"I wonder if silencing you might suffice. Take your suspicions elsewhere, Heskal. You are not needed here." _Prince_ Arcann took a threatening step towards the priest, and his mechanical hand dropped to his lightsaber.

"Is this why you brought us? To hear you bicker with soothsayers?" Nikholas interceded, obviously less entertained than she was.

"Come along," _Prince_ Arcann ordered over his shoulder.

"You're taking us to your master." Nikholas sounded interested immediately.

"I'm taking you to my father. Valkorion. The Immortal Emperor of Zakuul."

"An Emperor. Just what we were searching for."

"You will not find what you wanted here."

Medria gave one sharp head shake to Nikholas, warning him to back off as they continued to follow the prince. Her eyes drifted closed, Force binders or not, she could feel him there. Vitiate. Her emperor. But it wasn't like Ziost. It wasn't a frayed chaotic feeling of his presence that she had felt before. He seemed calm, settled like he was fully at ease where he was.

"_You are still special to me, Wrath, that is why I will kill you last. How do you wish to die? In combat or on your knees?"_ His words rang clear to her. Her eyes snapped open. She would not be frightened by him, not now. Her steps became more purposeful. '_Stalking,'_ Vette called it. The doors to what she could only assume was the throne room. She tried, she really did, to keep her eyes on the prince, but the near 360 glass bubble was beautiful. She glanced around looking out at the stars and galaxy around them. If things were better, she'd be totally enthralled. Her more childish side would have had her as close to the windows 'wowing. The stars were beautiful, and she always loved looking at them. It was a trait she inherited from her father, and he was the reason that they had an observatory on their estate.

The closer they got, the more a cold stone formed in her gut. She could barely see the man sitting on the throne, but he looked so familiar.

"His Glorious Majesty, Immortal Master, and Protector of Zakuul, Emperor Valkorion." the prince intoned.

"Welcome," Valkorion said calmly, leaning back in the throne. Her breath stopped in its tracks as her scars began to feel like they were crawling under her skin.

"A new name, a new face… These are not enough to hide from us." Nikholas growled. "The Sith emperor, there is no mistake."

"Oh, but I think a mistake has been made… but by whom?"

"How?" she finally found her voice. "How are you alive." she glanced at Nikholas, who did not seem as shocked as she did. Did he know this whole time?

"You presume limits to my power, there are none."

"Your constant silence across our history… this was your distraction?"

"This was my focus. Everything else… the means to an end. You claim to have come all of this way to find me. Here I am. What do you want?"

What did _they _WANT? Her shock turned into a raw fury that turned the ice in her to molten lava.

"You manipulate whole civilizations," She started, "arrange decades of war, eradicated _all life_ on Ziost… then flee." afterward, the fury turned to pain. How _dare_ he. "You- You abandoned me. Why? You are going to tell me _why._"

"Am I?" he mocked, standing. He slowly started walking down the first set of steps towards them. "You say you know me-if that is true, then you know the depths of my power. Whatever you hoped to achieve here, you know- deep inside- that you cannot succeed. But, you do not have to stand against me. Instead…" He waved his hand, and the binders on Nikholas sparked and dropped to the floor. "you can kneel." He offered to sound as magnanimous as he did on Ziost.

"_I_ will never again kneel to you," Nikholas cursed him. Arcann looked hesitant and glanced over his shoulder to Valkorion, who held a hand up to him.

"You would sooner die than acknowledge my superiority?"

"It is you who fears death, 'Valkorion.' I do not. I will not kneel."

With renewed access to the Force, Nikholas called one of the guards' lightsaber pikes to him and threw it like a spear into another one's chest. When several charged him, he threw them back. Then purple hot fire erupted in a giant stream of lightning. Never before had Medria ever seen such a display of power. Nikholas was thrown several yards back until he rolled to a stop at a newcomer's feet. The newcomer was a woman with a hood drawn up covering her hair all proper like.

Dead.

Nikholas was dead. Darth Marr, lord of the Sith, Dark Council member, was one with the Force.

Medria's eyes shut as she pulled at the pain of his death, separating it into two categories. Pain that can be used and pain that needed to be buried deep. Nikholas was dead, but she was still alive.

"Clear the room. Everyone out!" the woman ordered. All the guards followed suit, clearing the room in an orderly fashion. Medria turned on her heel and started to stride towards _Valkorion_.

"Why send your new followers away? Something you don't want them to hear?" She bit out as a snarl grew on her lips. "_**[Jaarvek.]**_"

He watched her, seemingly unimpressed with the fury and wrath that permeated from her. Instead, a small smile grew on his lips as he stepped slowly down from the throne.

* * *

51 BBY (3602 ATC)

She was 6 when she put the pieces together. She was given to the Jedi two years earlier, the same age as most of the other initiates, but she was different.

The first thing she realized was how _stupid_ all the other initiates were. While all the other initiates were easily distracted, hard to focus, and otherwise fantastical, she was deeply rooted in fact and knowledge. The masters praised her often for her ability to focus in class and meditations. It all came far too easy for her, yet far too hard for the other children. She also seemed to have an easier grasp with manipulation of the Force despite her supposed lower midichlorian count. Her pain threshold was also far beyond any of the other children. There was a game they played where a controller would randomly shock someone, and then they had to guess who was shocked. No one ever guessed her. Strangely, it was almost like she had felt it before, something worse.

But, what really helped put it together was the dreams. Most of the children in her cresh clan didn't dream at all, yet she had vivid ones. A lot of them were scary, and she was terrified. The majority of the time, she woke up in pain, clutching her head. However, there were quite a few where she was happy, really happy, and filled with love. She saw the faces of people she never met, yet she felt attached to them. Some of the younglings talked about their mommies, but she didn't remember her mommy; in fact, when one of them asked her if she missed hers all she knew to say was, "I don't have a mommy." But then she dreamed of waking up. She was cold and scared, her heart felt hurt. Someone hurt her feelings. But there were people standing around her in awe. She was staring at the grownups in the eyes, and then she was looking up at them. The blue man was standing behind them, but they didn't seem to notice him. He crept up to her and whispered in her ear.

"Don't say anything, child, or the Jedai will kill you. You must not know what happened in the past. If they ask you, you don't know." he insisted.

When she woke up from the dream she knew, she had forgotten the past, the long past. She looked six, but she wasn't. And her name wasn't OBject of Interest- 1, Obi-Wan, it was Medria. _She_ was Medria Nathem. Obi-Wan was a Jedi youngling because she forgot, Medria was a Sith Lord, a Commander-in-chief, the Wrath of her father, and Empress.

She had to remember it all, so in the dark of night, when all others were asleep, she'd pull out her datapad and write in the language no one else knew. She wrote her name dozens of times, followed by those she remembered.

Later those names turned into stories until she was writing down everything, every small detail in the order it happened. Her life.

In the dark was the only place she could truly live because there was one thing she remembered clearly. The republic tried to assassinate her. If they knew she survived, as a child, she wouldn't be able to protect herself. In the whole galaxy, she was alone.

_**[My name is Medria Nathem. **_

_**My name is Medria Nathem.**_

_**I am Sith, I am above Sith. I know light and dark and the hidden place in between. I survived. I keep surviving. History is written by the victors, and for once, that is not me. But I will tell the truth of what happened. **_

_**My name is Medria Nathem. I was born 11 BTC on Dromund Kaas. I do not know what my mother looked like, nor her name. I wish I never knew my father.**_

_**I am Medria Nathem. This was my life.]**_

* * *

50 BBY (3603 ATC)

It started with the field trip. Obi had no interest in going. In fact, she tried to get out of it several times, but no one would have it. There was a pulling on her mind that had her concerned, and with the cresh going out, she was hoping to stay behind to meditate and investigate what the cause was. But, the masters Forced her to go.

It was Coruscant, and to her surprise, it was like a large city, but it consumed the natural life around it in layers of durasteel. Her nose wrinkled in disgust. Even the empire with their dedication to growth and technological improvement never went so far as to consume an entire planet. Life was just as important as death. The Bloom Festival was clearly not celebrated in the heart of the republic. She was horrified when the only piece of the original planet was the monument to the last mountain peak. She remembered the mountains as a child, and the snow caps on Alderaan when she was older. She loved the mountains, and this is what they did to theirs.

She sighed as she trailed behind the touring group, rolling her eyes each time someone told her to catch up. Originally she tried to at least act like she was having fun, but for some reason, it only brought resentment. She crossed her arms and shuffled after the group. Then in a flash of a moment, the pulling on her mind tugged sharply, close by, and she froze. The cause of the pulling was right there. Scanning the crowds moving about searching for whoever it was. Mentally she grabbed at the person, forcing her presence towards them so they would be easier to identify. It worked.

Standing in the shadows between two stores was a man with dark weathered skin and graying hair.

She knew that face.

She snuck away from the group and approached him. He was watching her curiously as he leaned against one wall.

"Can I help you, little one? Little Jedi shouldn't be without their masters." His eyes were cold, calculating. He seemed like someone who would take a child, kidnap them from their mother's side. But beneath it all, she could see him testing her. She neared him and leaned against the wall opposite of him, her arms crossed as she propped one foot against the wall, looking very relaxed. However, it was when she raised her chin in a dignified manner that his eyebrow raised.

"Overseer." She spoke his title carefully, and shock crossed his face. "I should have known it was your presence pestering me for the past two weeks. You do have a knack for annoying your betters." she droned dryly as her eyes dropped to his mechanical hand with a knowing look.

"Dear Force, it is you."

"Was I not who you were looking for when you kept pulling the tiny thread that bound us together? So tell me, Overseer, I know how _I_ came to be here, how is it you survived?"

"Knight Tirall collected me, I was instructed to enter the carbon freeze just after Lord Beniko entered. I awoke on Corellia just last year, and since then, I've been searching for you. I had not expected to trace you to Coruscant."

"Nor did I expect to remember who I was only to realize that I was now in the Jedai's clutches." her hand reached up and rubbed the bridge of her nose in her habitual tension reliever.

"Yes, well, _I_ was at least smart enough to not let the republic capture me when I was released," he said.

"I did not have the choice, I somehow became a child again, as I'm sure you've noticed. But tell me of the greater galaxy. The Jedai have limited education, what of the alliance, and the Sith and Zakuul empire."

The overseer did not speak for a long time. He only observed her carefully for long, painful minutes.

"Medria," he sighed. "It's gone. All of it. The republic is the last thing we know standing beside the cartels. Sith are a scary story told to children to make them behave. Zakuul is unheard of, as is the alliance. It was as if we never existed to begin with."

"So everything," she started choosing her words carefully. "Everything I believed in, everything I fought for and build, was for nothing. Gone like a whisper left to the wind. My father's works, his '_means to an end'_ was the framework for a legend that survived even after its destruction."

"My Lord, just because it did not survive, does not mean we cannot start again." He told her gently. Her eyes raised surprised before they furrowed in concentration. Her relaxed position turned to slow pacing in front of him as her hand rubbed her jaw thoughtfully. Slowly she started to nod.

"We can. We can rebuild." She echoed before she stopped pacing and turned to face him. "I am a Jedai youngling, I cannot leave, not yet. But you are free. You will be the extension of my will in motion. You will be my hand."

The overseer knelt to the ground and bowed his head. Her will shone through him. Slowly she transferred some of her power to him, strengthening the weak training bond they shared. Until the time came, _he_ would act in her place, and they would rebuild.

* * *

45 BBY (3607 ATC)

"Medria," A deep voice whispered into the dark room. She groaned, turning away from the sound. It was either very late, or very early, either way, she had no desire to wake up. She tugged the uncomfortable but warm sheets over her shoulder as she faced the wall. She missed her own sheets and the warmth that was familiar to her.

"Medria," the voice called again. She groaned and opened her mouth to tell off whoever was waking her up when she froze.

Medria.

Her eyes flew open. No one knew that name. Here she was Obi-Wan, only Obi-Wan. In addition, the voice was a deep one, curling with an accent no one here had. The voice did not belong, especially in an initiate clan room.

However, it sounded familiar. for racked her brain thinking as hard as she could to place a name to the voice. Then it struck her. Blood turned to ice in her veins. The voice was one she knew. She knew it intimately. It was the voice that she had committed to memory. The same one that she never thought she'd hear again, only to have it haunt her in her nightmares and torment her in her waking steps. Her stomach dropped, and her heart tightened in her throat.

It couldn't be real. It had to be a bad dream.

Earlier in the night, the clan was telling ghost stories, horror stories about the Sith of old (and of course Sith these days were nothing more than boogie monsters to scare initiates into behaving). She tried to convince herself that it was her imagination running wild because it couldn't be true, because if it was, then she failed. It was all ruined by the low throaty growl of impatience that echoed through the room.

"Do not ignore me, child, he warned, and she sucked in her breath.

All doubt was gone. She failed.

Her heart fluttered hard in her chest and sounded like drums in her ears.

"You're not real, you can't be," she whispered into the dark, and suddenly she felt very much like the child she looked like. "Go away."

Obi-Wan cursed herself as her hands trembled. She was tense, and she was certain he could see the tension in her frame. Dear Force, she committed patricide on his spirit, and he still didn't die. She had been so certain he was dead.

"You and I both know that's not true. I told you before, there is no death, there is only the Force, and _I_ am its master."

Mentally she cursed him. Cursed him for all the pain he brought, all the destruction, and everything he did to her. She cursed him to the endless void. Her clanmates were still asleep, their breathing soft and steady, a few snores permeated the room, but nothing more. No matter what, they would be no part of this encounter and of no use to her.

"Sit up and look at me, Medria, you were raised better than this childish behavior." He snapped, and immediately, she found herself succumbing to his order. She sat up slowly, her thick braid tumbling down her back, sleep mused and wild. With a slow breath, she sealed herself, turned away from the wall, legs slipping over the side of the bed to face the voice. However, she couldn't bring herself to look up. It was as if she could convince herself that it was all a dream if she never saw anything.

"This is a dream, a very bad dream." her fists clenched into her night pants.

"If you were dreaming," he began, "your thoughts would be on that captain of yours."

The spell and haze were broken as rage consumed her. Her eyes shot up, glaring crimson lover at him. It burned like a furnace for a flicker of a second before she stomped it down, and her eyes dimmed to stormy gray. He was there before her, more relaxed than he deserved to be. In the eyes of a child, he was much taller than she remembered him being. Her only praise was he had the consideration to not in the impressive armor he wore in the years leading to what she had believed was his final death. Instead, he seemed to have chosen to wear a more relaxed formal outfit she had seen him wear when she was little. But to her slight relief and dismay, he still shone blue, still a ghost.

"You have _no_ right to speak of him." she snapped, and instead of the normal reaction she would get, he smiled.

"I was beginning to wonder if they tamed that spark of yours or not. I'm pleased to see that you still claim your fiery temper, as always."

"And you have not changed at all."

"The same can't be said for you, though, can it? You were close to this age when the attack happened just before the treaty. That's how you got that terrible scarring."

"Yes, I was 11," Her eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms. "That was when I first thought you were killed, and I was orphaned."

"But I have never left you," He spoke soothingly as if trying to comfort her. She pulled the Force around her like a shield and glared at him.

"Well, that's not creepy at all."

He started laughing, surprisingly. The deep sound shaking his stomach as he approached her. With one hand, his cold fingers gripped her chin, lifting her face to look at him as the other hand soothed the wild halo of curls. He leaned down and planted a kiss on the crown of her head.

"Oh, my sweet Medria," He whispered in a voice she hadn't heard since she was a child. Her chest tightened, and her breath caught in her throat. He stood for a few seconds until he slowly disappeared in front of her eyes. Air rushed into her lungs, and she took gulping breaths, dropping forward onto her knees

She trembled cold, seeping into her body. Seconds passed until she hesitantly looked around, making sure everyone was still asleep, and when she confirmed they were, she grabbed her robe and rushed out of the room

…

It was surprisingly easy to sneak out of the temple. Naturally, it took a few months to figure out the guards' schedule and path, but after that, it just took stealth, which her small body but mature mind could handle with ease. The walk she took was long, but it allowed the chance for her to settle herself, to find the part of her mind that could _accept_ and adapt. She tugged on her robes a little, searching for heat she couldn't find there. Although she was found on a temperate planet, she was _born_ on a warm, humid one and found the planetary air system far too cold for her liking. After a few field trips with the clan and a few escapes, she learned enough of the city to feel comfortable traveling around. She had been there for 7 years, and she still didn't have any fondness for the city-planet. There was no fresh air, no natural trees or wildlife, and there were no beasts or creatures that weren't pets (unless one counted the vermin that crept in the alleyways). Everything was synthetic, all except the last bit that they memorialized for their destruction, the last peak of the last mountain in monument plaza.

There were few people wandering about in the upper level except the customers at the few restaurants surrounding the monument and a few stragglers (drug dealers) that roamed the plaza. Everyone was relaxed, happy, content. It was all as it should be, save for one human that sat on a bench near the monument. His eyes were closed and relaxed though he wasn't asleep. She went straight to him and sat down with a huff.

"You're late," he spoke softly, eyes still shut.

"Yes, well," she yawned loudly, causing him to crack one eye open. "I wasn't exactly planning on seeking out tonight, but I had an unwelcome visitor, so I thought it best if I left the temple for some time."

"Unwelcomed? Who could possibly be unwelcomed in an initiate's clan room?" He asked as he opened both eyes and turned to face her. She stared at him for a moment before sighing and rubbing her hands over her face. She turned back to face the mountain peak.

"Valkorion." He choked on air "He's still dead, apparently, and, this is according to him, he has never left me. Isn't that creepy."

"Wh-What did the emperor want?" he croaked. She rolled her eyes. Spineless.

"Don't worry, Tremel. He asked no questions, got nothing from me. For all intents and purposes, it seemed like he simply wanted me to know he was there." She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. Tremel was pale, looking at her nervously. She sighed again and crumpled forward, wrapping her arms around her shaking form. "It was weird, Overseer. It felt like I was actually a child again like he cared."

They were both quiet, unnoticed by those around them. She didn't like to admit her fear, but every time her father entered her life, she often felt that she had no choice but to obey his every order. His little soldier, his little wrath. But, unlike the last time, she was alone. She did not have her friends, her allies, her family. It was just her and Tremel. Two lost Sith in a galaxy of Jedi.

* * *

33 BBY (3622 ATC)

Obi-Wan knew her apprentice enjoyed to test her. He'd test her authority, skill, her patience, mostly her patience. It had been nearly three years since she took the child under her wing, her hair had grown, and along with the length came a few stray gray hairs, which she completely blamed the child.

She now sympathized with her poor captain, who had gotten quite the number of gray hairs during his years in her service. Force knows she liked to push his buttons, and Vette was no different. He certainly fared no better each time she had frightened him to near death. Whenever the two got into an argument about a plan they were coming up with, he always made sure to point out which gray hairs were from the last time she performed a life-threatening stunt.

However, unlike her young apprentice, she had _reasons_ to do what she did. Anakin seemed to just like to test the limits. First came the rule-breaking, nothing major, at first. Then came the more yelling and defiance. He attempted to break some of her nicer teacups, probably just to see what would happen if they did break, then came him _stealing_ her lightsaber. It was enough that for just a moment, she almost didn't put up a fight in the agoge thinking that just maybe she could use a short break. But the thought passed as quickly as it came. She couldn't give up on him.

She finally figured out _why_ he was pressing her buttons one night when she was meditating. Unlike most of the other Jedi, she appreciated being exposed to the elements when she meditated. It grounded her made her focus. She would often go to the top of one of the roofs and slip into a handstand, balancing herself and the Force around her. Then she heard Anakin call her name. The second she looked up, her apprentice had flung himself off the tower as if he was trying to get to the next section over. She dropped from the pose with no delicacy or finesse. He pushed the Force away from her, giving her apprentice just enough of a shove to get over the gap and onto the next section. Two thoughts went through her head as soon as he landed safely.

1\. She was absolutely going to murder her apprentice

2\. He trusted her enough to not let him die

The time it took for him to get back to where she was laying on the roof was enough for her to calm down enough that murder was no longer on the tables.

Her child almost flung himself to his death.

"That was SO much fun!" He cheered. The child grinned like he had just gotten off the fastest speeder known in the galaxy. His excitement permeated from their bond, and she sighed.

"I'm so glad scaring me half to death was worth it," she muttered, pushing herself up to a seated position. Her eyes drifted to the space where he had landed. "You know, if you give me more of a heads up, I'm sure we can get you farther."

He brightened in the Force. Sucker, she was a sucker. In just a few years, his bright eyes and smile had her just as wrapped around his little finger as her little Brae did.

What she couldn't shake though, as she once more flung him between rooftops, was, he trusted her. He trusted her to keep him in line and to keep him safe.

'_Force, how am I to do this without you by my side? I can barely keep the child alive.'_ She thought with the hole in her heart feeling more apparent. She knew how, though. She could almost hear his voice in her ear.

_Try. Keep fighting and try. You don't have to be perfect, just be there, present. _

So she would, until the child no longer wanted her.

* * *

If there was one thing that Obi-Wan quickly learned while being a Jedi master was that the fresher was a sacred place, especially as a master to a young male apprentice. It was the one place that she could go without the fear that he would burst into the room at any moment. It took a few awkward times before she finally came up with the idea that, in the future, would probably save them both.

Fresher time is private time.

Force, she savored her private time.

After a nightmare that left her waking drenched in sweat, private time was what she needed. She couldn't remember what the dream was about. But after seeing her husband's face flash through her mind, she was sure it had to do with her family. She sighed and pressed her hands against the smooth tiles of the fresher.

All had not been well that whole week. To which she blamed the nightmare for. Her apprentice was going through a phase… again. Human hormones, she was sure, was the cause. Puberty. That was what her husband called it once. In either case, the child bounced between emotions so fast she was getting whiplash. One moment he would be a clingy, shy child glued to her side like a youngling, and the next, he would be demanding his space and independence. As much as the emotions seemed to be draining the boy (as he seemed to now require 11 hours of sleep), it was draining her more. She could only manage to escape to the Sith shrine once every other week, if she was lucky, which meant that she left it all bottled deep inside behind many walls. It certainly didn't help that after a year with her apprentice, the council decided that she needed to see a mind healer who harassed her daily about coming in despite her rejections.

Younglings, she could understand and manage. But this. Whatever her apprentice was becoming, was beyond her reach. While avoiding the mind healer, she holoed Tremel, who had the gall to laugh at her.

With the near-boiling water running down her back, she sighed. Despite Tremel's amusement, he had agreed to meet with her. But, as much as she appreciated his help, she knew her real issue.

Anakin did not see her as his mother. And she knew he was not Brae. While she had reassured herself that her husband was more than capable of taking care of the children without her, she was nothing without him. He kept her grounded, centered. Now she was doing whatever she could to not give away the truth.

"Master!" the door to the fresher burst open. Panic flared through her as she was quick to press herself against the _far_ too cold tile wall and throw up a Force barrier to keep her apprentice from entering further.

"Anakin Skywalker, have we not discussed this before?" she shrieked. His flustered energy leaked across the bond immediately.

"Fresher time is private time." he intoned quietly. "But you've been in her ages!"

"Are you dying?"

"We're all dying master, just some faster than others," he answered cheekily. She couldn't help it when her arm shot out of the fresher and threw the bar of soap at him. "No master."

"Do I need to save anyone in the immediate vicinity?"

"... I don't think so."

"Is the kitchen on fire?"

"Not yet master," his voice was far too cheeky for her liking. However, she took a deep breath and counted to ten while breathing a prayer to the gods.

"Then, whatever it is, can wait another two minutes for me to finish up and get decent. Meanwhile, meditate on why you shouldn't be interrupting your master while she's in the fresher."

She heard him snicker as he left, leaving her once more to the peaceful quiet of the fresher. She sighed heavily, rubbed her face with her hands, and shut the fresher off. She dried quickly and slipped into her trousers and loose beige shirt before stepping out of the fresher.

Wet hair still dripping, she stepped into their common area where Anakin was trying very hard to meditate.

"So, my restless padawan, what was so important that you burst into the fresher so early in the morning?" she asked, making her way to the kitchen to make tea.

"We're demonstrating our saber skills today, I wanted to make sure you'll be there… but I understand if you can't make it." his voice dropped, and though he tried to block it, she could feel him through the Force. She changed her route and moved to sit next to the young boy. Her hand ran through his soft hair as she smiled.

"I'm honored you want me to be there. Of course I'll attend."

* * *

Level 2685 was a cesspit. The neon lights and the smoggy atmosphere was a stark reminder of Nar Shaddaa. However, she found it the perfect place, like so many others, to do more clandestine affairs.

Her hair was pulled back in a simple bun, no braids or weaving done. With Anakin spending the day with the chancellor, she took the chance to pull on her "civvies" and make a special trip to the underworld. She was sure she missed all of the "cute" phases of childhood. Her oldest was three when she left. Somewhere between 3 and 9 must have been the cute phases. Tremel seemed to be in stitches when she told him about the mood swings. Human biology must have been very different. Luckily he agreed to meet with her to explain certain things. Apparently, there was something that she as a master, should have done, so he was going to bring her padawan brother to help explain things.

Club Kasakar. That was where Tremel had messaged her to meet him. There were far too many sleazy politicians there for her liking. The _honor_ of the Republic. It disgusted her to see the people who beat her. At least the empire was run honestly, on pain of death (naturally), but the corruption in the republic was rotten to the core. Luckily she was able to find an empty booth to settle herself at. Her eyes were heavy-lidded as she sipped at a strong drink and relaxed into the leather of the seat. Several beings tried to approach her, but with a glare, they were quick to change their path. Finally, two beings sat down across from her, both with their hoods drawn up.

"It took you long enough." She drawled as she straightened in her seat.

"You look like you've been well, my Lord." Tremel bowed his head slightly.

"Sup, little Obi," Xan greeted. She held back the snort that almost broke through when Tremel landed a hit to the back of Xanatos' head and then Forced him into a lower bow. "Sorry, sorry, it is an honor to see you, milord. For Force sake, old man lemme go."

"It's alright Overseer, I'm used to Xan by now. I take it you've been trying to teach the acolyte hierarchy and manners?"

"To no avail. But then again, not every acolyte is a blessing as you were."

Obi-Wan rolled her eyes and waved him off.

"How have things been going in my absence?" She asked, business first, then pleasantries.

"It has been well, we've gathered a few more additions since Naboo. A few initiates expressed interest in the ways of the pure-blooded, so there should be a few more acolytes."

"Impressive indeed." Obi-Wan nodded before turning to Xanatos, "And how are your trials going?"

Once more, the grown man groaned and slumped in his seat.

"I swear this is harder than I thought it'd be."

"It always is." Obi-Wan agreed sympathetically.

"Speaking of hard," Tremel chimed in a grin pulling on his lips that screamed masochist. "You've expressed difficulties with your apprentice."

It was Obi-Wan's turn to sigh as she began explaining the list of questionable behavior her apprentice had shown in the past weeks. It took a while, with many snorts from Xanatos, who looked like he was about to wet himself. By the end of the tale, Xanatos had tears streaming down his face, and even Tremel was chuckling.

"Correct me if I overreach, but did you father, Far'sha, or that maid of yours ever discuss the body with you?"

"I remember a distinctly uncomfortable conversation with Far'sha and Nima shortly after my injury. Why do you ask?

"Well…" Tremel trailed off, looking to Xanatos.

"Your apprentice is going through puberty. And as his master, you need to talk to him about it." Xan said. Immediately Obi-Wan's face lit up bright red, and she floundered like a fish on land. "Come now, surely you've gone through it."

"Well, naturally, but… Qui-Gon _certainly_ never had a conversation like that with me."

"He didn't? He sat me down, and we had a _very_ long conversation." Xan seemed surprised.

"You had a son, did you not take this into consideration of your responsibilities?" Tremel asked.

"Not particularly. I think my husband and I just assumed that he would speak with our son and I with our daughter. Then for kicks and giggles, we'd hand them over to Nikholas for further explanations."

"Wait, son, daughter? What is he talking about, Obi?"

"Not now, Xan, later." Obi-Wan waved him off and crossed her arms over the table. "How do I even begin?

"Begin simple, explain that you understand that there will be changes, explain what you know, and express that you will be there," Tremel explains softly.

Obi-Wan dropped her head to her hands and cursed in her native tongue that had even Tremel impressed.

Then she felt a prickle at her bond with her apprentice. Her head raised, and she looked around the room.

She felt him.

She felt him nearby.

Across the room at a booth not far from theirs sat two beings in cloaks with their hoods, drawing them in the shadows. One was an adult, the robe made of fine material. The other was a child the robe clearly one of lesser quality but made in the same simplistic manner that she knew too well. Her mental shields slammed shut just before her fury raged. In the way that Xanatos flinched back, she knew, her eyes were that of Sith, molten lava.

"Excuse me, gentlemen, it appears that something came up," she growled as she stood.

The adult started laughing loudly and drew the attention of most of the customers in the club, as well as the gambling table where a senator and his guard had just lost. The two reached the table and towered over them, clearly upset. When the muscle grabbed the adult by the robe, she had reached them, and her hand latched around the muscle's wrist.

"I would let go if I were you." she hissed, standing clear in the middle.

"What would a woman know, step aside." the muscle, who was much taller than her leered. She flashed him a smile, and a second later, his arm was behind his back, and his face was pressed against the table.

"Now, this is how we are going to do this. You and the senator will settle your debt, and you will leave for the night. Then I will leave here with my father and son, and you will not speak a word of this to anyone."

The silence stretched out for a long minute as the entire club waited on bated breath. Then, slowly, she let the muscle go, waiting for him to retaliate. But neither he or the senator did. The two slowly left, obeying her order. When the club attendees decided the show was over and went back to their business, she crossed her arms and stared down at the two. Tremel came up behind her and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. She could feel him pulling at her anger through their bond, trying to quell it to the best of his ability. But even he could not be successful, she was named _wrath_ for a reason.

"Boreas, take Anakin outside. This is no place for a child." She instructed coldly.

"M-master!" Anakin squeaked, but Boreas moved quickly.

"Come along little Jedi, your master will meet us outside." He took Anakin's hand and quickly started towards the door. Anakin protested quite a bit, but Boreas Tremel was a difficult man to sway once he had his mind on something.

As soon as the overseer, her padawan brother, and her apprentice disappeared out the door, she sat down across from the Chancellor.

"Jedi Kenobi, I wonder what brings you here? Someone of your… demeanor, would not normally lower themselves to come here."

"I had a meeting with an old informant who did not feel comfortable meeting on the top levels. Imagine my surprise when I see my padawan sitting in a snake's den with the man who was supposed to be spending the day with him. When I let you take my padawan for the day, sir, I expected him to be spending the time in your office _learning_, not delving in the _pits_ of the capital."

"I have my reasons," he answered with the crypticness her own father had been known for.

"The next time you think about taking my padawan somewhere like this, I'll make sure you never get a moment alone with him."

"He is a Jedi, Kenobi, and the Jedi answer to the senate. As chancellor, I can take him if I wish."

Obi-Wan saw red.

"You. are. Not. the. Senate. _I_ am Anakin's _legal_ guardian. He might be a member of the order, but that doesn't give you the jurisdictional rights you think it does. And if you think it does, taking him here just proves that you are not fit to have him in your custody." She snapped and stood. The conversation with the old man was over, and she left him there at the table. Boreas was sitting outside with her apprentice, Xan not far away, keeping silent guard over the two.

…

Anakin wouldn't admit it, but he panicked when Obi-Wan told the stranger to take him. Despite the fact the dark-skinned man was old, he had an iron grip, which only brought the fear even more as he was dragged from the club. But, as soon as they got outside the club, the old man sat him down on a bench.

"Don't worry, little one, your master will join us shortly." He grunted as he sat down next to him, "I understand why your master was upset, this place is certainly no place for a child."

"I'm not a child. I'm a Jedi." Anakin snapped. He wasn't a child, a child couldn't have a lightsaber or fight. He could do both. The old man smiled fondly at him.

"You're eleven, correct? In everyone's eyes, you're still very much a child, no matter how mature or strong you become. It might not seem all that dangerous in there, but if your master didn't step in when she did, it could have turned out much differently."

"I could have handled it! I still have my lightsaber!" Anakin protested. He was skilled enough to take care of that thug.

"I'm sure you could have, but a Jedi padawan injuring a senator's bodyguard and possibly the senator himself does not look good."

Anakin stewed as silence between the two of them grew, what was taking Obi-Wan so long. He glanced at the old man and noticed his mechanical hand, it looked like an antique made with old out of date durasteel and wiring. Immediately his head started going through how it was working, _still_ working. He would have updated it immediately.

"A small price to pay." The old man said.

"What?"

"This," he wiggled his mechanical fingers. "I miscalculated something, I could have had myself and your master killed, but instead, it was just my hand."

"Did it hurt?" Anakin asked, curious as he stared at the hand.

"Well, it didn't tickle. Luckily it was quick."

"What stories are you telling him?" Obi-Wan's voice came from behind him. She was standing a few feet away from them, her arms crossed and eyebrows raised. The old man laughed, his head thrown back at the Force.

"Not to worry, I didn't tell him anything in detail."

"I should hope not, those stories shouldn't be heard by anyone who wasn't present." She sighed. "I should be going, thank you for taking the time to speak with me Boreas."

"All you ever need do is ask, you know that." The old man nodded at her, his head dipping in a sort of acknowledgment. Then to Anakin's surprise, his master started speaking in a foreign language to him fluently. It was something he never heard before, rough guttural, but with the lilt of her voice, it sounded natural. The old man chuckled and responded in the same language before she held her hand out to Anakin.

"Come along."

Anakin felt like a child as she held his hand all the way back to the speeder. She spent the time to ensure that he was buckled, and everything in the speeder was set before taking off towards the temple.

He couldn't feel her behind her walls. But she felt cold. Not a single feeling was getting past her. He tugged lightly on their bond, trying to get a sense, any sense of her. Instead, her hand reached out and patted his hand. It was a long and uncomfortably silent ride to the temple. After the speeder was parked, Anakin mutely followed Obi-Wan to their rooms. The door to their warm quarters opened, and she pointed to his seat at their table. He went and sat down immediately as she went to the kitchen. The water ran for a few seconds, which meant only one thing. Tea. She took a long time in the kitchen before she returned holding a mug.

"I'm sorry, master." He whispered.

"I'm not mad at you, Anakin." She sighed, and he peeked up at her. "I am, however, furious at the Chancellor. That club is a dangerous place for any sentient being. Even though you're a padawan, you are still a child. There's all manner of people there. People who would take you at a second of thought." she said softly. He glanced up. _Take him? Was she talking about slavers? _He wondered. She set her mug down. "I could have lost you, with no clue where you were taken or who took you. The Chancellor is an adult, he should have known better."

"I was scared." he whispered, "when the man took me outside. I thought… I thought you were letting him take me."

Obi-wan let out a stream of words in the unknown language she spoke earlier. The way she looked, he could only guess she was cursing.

"I'm sorry, Anakin, I didn't think. Boreas Tremel is an old friend of mine, I've known him since I was much younger. I asked him to take you outside because I trusted him to keep you safe while I spoke to the Chancellor in private. I will do whatever I can to protect you." she sighed and leaned back. "I had actually asked Boreas to meet with me. I had questions that I only felt comfortable… well relatively comfortable asking him.

I've been worried about you, the mood swings, destructive behavior, the sleeping. It's been unlike you, so I thought asking a non-Jedi would be a way to understand a little. I must admit I was not expecting the answer."

"What did he say?" Anakin asked quietly.

"Puberty."

Anakin's eyes grew wide as saucers.

"I hadn't thought to speak with you about it, but I should have realized. As you grow, you'll notice some changes in your body. You might start to grow some hair in places you didn't have before, like your armpits, legs, even your genital area. There might be mornings you wake up and your…" she struggled for a moment and gestured helplessly at his lower region. "Your genitals might be stiff. You might feel urges…"

"Force, stop, please stop. Master Garen and Master Vos already talked to me." Anakin cut her off, looking just as horrified as she did.

"Thank goodness." she sighed her hand, pressing over her heart and relaxed.

"Did you really ask your friend to that place just to talk about that?" Anakin asked, looking amused. When she looked lost for words he only laughed in response. A moment later found her laughing too.


End file.
